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lookin for a future - get better unless you leave or tell him you want out unless this stops. That shock bring him around if not then in my opinion it's over. You have allowed him to control you like a puppet, disagree with me and I'm going to divorce you. He's destabilizing you on purpose, that keeps him in control of the situation. You are allowing him to do that to you and you know it. You just don't do that to someone you. I've been there, I've been played and it hurts. You all the things that are wonderful and you feel the but you know it's not being returned. You stay in this thing you lose what ever self respect you have left. It's time for him to show you through action he wants you. You stated that you know divorce is an eventuality, listen to your own words. I would continue with the action it's time for actions to speak for him. He'll seek what ever help he needs if he is serious. mature women Figline Valdarno
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First off, I really appreciate the responses. Up until this morning, I was really hopeful, willing to do whatever it took. Then I looked in the trashcan outside. don't ask me why, I just did (when throwing away some recyclables). There was a strange shopping bag in there, and I opened it. All of her notes mostly rantings about me were in there. I read them. I took them. Not like reading her diary they were abandoned property and quite likely she meant for me to find them. She's not the retiring sort (neither am I we have always prided ourselves on our communication), so what I read wasn't a shock. She feels controlled. She needs her alone time. She needs to be appreciated. She values spontaneity. She wants me to be more of a hands-on dad (tough when I'm busting my ass in an office M-F), but most of all, she needs alone time. Which I was (reluctantly, though I get your point, FamAtty) fine giving her. Until I came across other things. Notes to a guy. A guy she used to sleep with before we were married. Notes that clearly tell me she carried a torch for him, and he her, and they have been communicating regularly. And have possibly/likely slept together. And he has been telling her all the things she wants to hear. And that she has been lying to me. I am so fucking confused and despondent, I can't believe it. This is how she spent her "alone-time" this weekend. Am I being naive to want to hold my marriage together, even after this? Am I crazy for still loving her and wanting to work things out, both for me and our beautiful? They are so innocent and wonderful. This is me. I can't believe she is the one who has turned out to be unfaithful. I am absolutely stunned. I have not told her I know, but at some point, if I don't, and she knows I know, there are ramifications for that (every time she wants "alone time," I'll know she's doing that guy and it eat at me). Regardless, it -/should come out in therapy, if not before and then what? Oh, one of her complaints about me is that I care what other people think about me. And I have always considered divorce a failure. And I don't fail at much. Oh boy do I need therapy. And a good lawyer. horny girls from Hortolandia
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