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My ex was a bum too. I'd work as hours a week as it took, one two jobs whatever, to keep a roof over the head. I'd come home after so days of non-stop work to a filthy home, mountain of dishes, piles of trash, youngest in same pissy diaper they were in when I left and staring at the fucking tv, while daddy lay in bed. So then I'd scrub out the whole house in my free time, try to do megadoses of parenting with the little one, bath her and put her in fresh clothes and speak to her and play with her and brush her hair I divorced mine eventually. I would've supported him through school, all that. It isn't fair. Now he doesn't bother to exercise his custody, and no support. I lucked out though. My brother was divorced too, so now we share a household, take care of each other's, and he is supporting me through school while I take care of childcare and household duties. Actually ideal, he is industrious, kind, a great father, clean, and trustworthy. Not what either of us planned naughty dating 91325So, the other day bf and I had a discussion about $$ and who should pay for what. My point was that, as I do not have an ownership stake in his home (I pay rent), I shouldn't have to pay for things like upkeep and improvements to the home. BF agreed and that was that. But his response didn't sit right with me because it was clear that he hadn't really EVER considered WHEN we might be joining finances, becoming a "team" and, well, committing to togetherness for the term. And me being me, after a day or two of worrying/wondering about it, I broached the subject of term togetherness with BF. Frankly, I thought we HAD committed to that when we agreed to move in together, but that BF needed a few months to make sure that, under the same roof, we all worked well together. He and I are very, very happy with each other. He told me, when I couldn't stop myself from raising the issue of "what about the, term do you us together? Is that what you want?" that I was the best thing to ever happen to him and that he didn't want to "push me away" with his failure to act/plan for the future. He can't quite articulate just WHAT he needs or wants for the future. He just keeps saying that he's not accustomed to thinking about his future and that doing so makes him very anxious (he has anxiety issues anyway). From my point of view, at this point in our relationship, seeing a future together should fill him with happiness, not anxiety. He's going to make an appt with his therapist to if he can work through his issues. In the meantime, I'm not sure what to do. I am afraid of what the therapy turn up, but that's not rational if the therapy reveals some deep-seated crap, it's better to know that now, right? If it's just not ever going to happen, I need to know that, too. I feel very passive right now, but I've stated my piece and need to let him figure out HIS plans and desires. I don't think there's anything I can do. I guess I'm just anxious where, a week ago, I would have said I was feeling very secure. Damn. swinger moms
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