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I am all for building a solid foundation but to me all you are doing is prolonging the inevitable conversation that needs to take place. And the basics of that conversation is this: I like the way you look, do you like the way I look? OK then once that is established lets if we can actually like spending time together. That is the subtext that goes on when a asks a woman out for a date. To me that can be done in one simple conversation as as honestly and integrity are involved. If you are interested in a woman the one thing on your male mind is: Is she interested in me. We have created all these elaborate myths about women and asking them out. If she wants to go out on a date with you you could suggest going to a movie she has already seen and she would say "yes that sounds great!" If she in no way sees you as a sexual being you could spend years building this foundation and never any fruit. We guys come on here all the time: "I have this girl who is my best friend who I have always been interested in and today after 3 years I professed my for her and she said she did not me like that, more like a Brother." That guys is crushed because his "Under the Radar" scheme did not work and in fact made things worse. Christ if we all waited until we had a relationship with someone before approaching romantiy the population of the world would fall. That's what dating is for is finding out all that stuff. And you are right she might say "I hate coffee" well that just built a little of the relationship that would not have been built if you never asked her out to coffee. And the great part is you can then be honest with her back: "Thank god you hate coffee I do to, but that is what everyone says to be safe so I thought I would try it. How about Ice Cream, I Ice Cream!" And your description of courting is kind of an insult to modern women. They are not these fragile creatures that need to be sneaked up on. They can take care of themselves they can say no and they can say yes. They are not like the women of the Victorian age who would faint at such a bold move as asking them out for an evening! LOL i really want sex with an old fat womana lot of good things for you too consider, not the least of which is the monumental amount of work it's going to take to fix things. He can "out logic" you and use all the fancy language he wants but none of that shit matters if bottom line, you are unhappy. Which is what I would tell him when he starts in with the "logic." It is problematic that is he so disengaged that your happiness means so little. It sounds to me like you two have hit a wall and need to get to marriage counseling before things get worse or one of you makes a rash decisions. I'd say you are rip fruit for having an affair so please handle this situation before you do something regrettable. always wants for sex
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