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Ask The Expert: ‘Am I undatable because I’m HIV+?’ Kort By Kort, relationship expert 11:00am EDT Question: I have a good job. I am athletic and health oriented. I am the boy next door. I live right outside of one of the largest and gayest cities in the world. I have awesome family and friends. Oh, and I happen to have HIV. Because of the latter, all the other traits I can bring to the table seem not to matter when it comes to dating. I have tried HIV dating websites and social events but I have been unsuccessful. Since my status does not define me and I do not like limiting myself to just HIV+ guys, I am open to dating anyone who fits into what I look for in a. Although the statistics amongst urban males regarding HIV seem like this would not be an issue in , it still is. My question is how do I deal with HIV stigma and dating without giving up? Signed, Seriously single and losing. Dear SSLH, I that you do not define yourself by your health status! Leading with who you are as a person rather than your health status as your primary image of yourself is going to shape your dating experiences. Using one’s status as an excuse or feeling victimized by it is a recipe for poor self-esteem and bad dating experiences. I agree that even in the HIV stigma exists among men—and straight men and women as well for that matter. I had a client who is very handsome, physiy in great shape with everything a partner could want in a in terms of both looks and personality. He experimented on dating sites by posting two different profiles; one, which doesn’t mention his HIV status, and one that does. He received more inquiries than he can handle when he left his HIV status off and considerably less when he added it to his information. FULL STORY: looking for your fwbGreat way to stay in shape and meet friends and maybe potential dating friends. I concerts and do go but most of my friends have SOs or are married so I go alone. No big deal as I'm entertained all night. If I want to go to a resturant, I sit at the bar. I don't like sitting at a big table alone. I've met great friends and it seems that when a woman is sitting alone, the employees are so nice. Now I don't mind because the employees now chat with me through dinner. And now I have a couple of great bartender friends (nope their not alcoholics, its just a job to them). Another good resource to tap into is to have a couple male friends. I have 3 now and I hanging with them. THey don't try to set me up and there so much fun to be with. Now my shopping ventures are just that, adventurful. hot black women
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