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For what it's worth, when I was newly sober at age 23 back in , there were so women, and straight, that I was attracted to in Alcoholics. I felt so ugly inside and out and was so immensely touched by these women who cared more for my life and sanity than my approval. Just a hug or a touch on the arm and I was, so I thought, "in -" not really even knowing what was. One day I shared with my sponsor, "-, I met HER, I met the woman I want to share my life with!" and started going on and on about this woman. "-," my sponsor replied, "we've had this conversation before." Puzzled for a moment than realizing my sponsor's poor recollection I replied, "No, THAT was, THIS is -!" proud informing her of her confusion. "-, it's just a different name" she responded and continued, "whenever you're attracted to someone just be her friend and BECOME the woman YOU want to share your life with." For 24 years, my journey of becoming the woman I want to share my life with continues. Throughout this journey, I have met so amazing and beautiful people, men and women, and straight. So of them have left their footprints on my heart and in doing so, have changed me forever. So of them taught me courage, not so much by what they said but rather, by the power of their example. For me, uncovering, discovering and discarding those old ideas allows room for new ones. I no longer feel so ugly on the inside that I don't care what I look like on the outside. I have learned that is a verb and that if I want something, give it first. It is and has been an amazing journey. I wouldn't be where I am now if it weren't for being allowed to ask questions. Those who mind don't matter; those who matter don't mind. Thank you for your posts; thank you for exemplifying courage; thank you for your perserverance here on despite the "how dare you ask such questions" scolding replies. Continue to go where the is and go where the strength is and if you're inclined, become the woman you want to share your life with for in becoming her, you attract her~ seeking a female or more to use myshocked as you have a standing relationship/marriage? So mixing the $ with the kink I guess is an act of D/s or S/m ? Power exchange? I am having a hard time with understanding how it relates. I can only assume that it is a demonstrative omnipresent indication of his dominance over you, a reminder every time you use money? which is for me anyway something that happens daily unless I do not leave the property. I remember well what it feels like to be a slave to having to budget out of necessity,it did not feel good when there was nothing left and an embarrassing had to be made, That kind of situation made me very grateful for having a fall back but at the same time,I hated it. So I just wonder, does it manifest in a 'I need you I perish w/o you way' or perhaps in a 'He is taking care of me and loves me' way? I kinda don't get it but I know the concept cuts me to the quick and so I want to know. How does it, if at all enrich your kink? I know you cannot answer for him but I wonder about his perspective as well though I can more easily grasp that, or think I can. wants for romance
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