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this was the start of a very painful end. i decided to break up w/my girlfriend b/c i felt terrible about what i had done, and i felt she deserved better. she begged me not to leave her, that we could work it out. we tried. eventually, i decided i wanted us to take a break no contact whatsoever. i wanted to what we would do without each other now i regret that choice. after 2 months of no contact whatsoever, we saw each other at my sister's shower. we kissed, hugged each other and told ea. other how much we missed the other. i discovered that during the break she had started attending raves and was heavily into ecstasy, something i could not put up w/it. in the end, i gave her the ultimatum: me or the. she chose the. i lost it. i was furious. hurt. betrayed. fast forward: her mother ed my house to tell my mum (whom i still live w/) how happy she was that her daughter was dating a GUY! i was CRUSHED! i wrote her via fb, and told her how i couldn't believe how quickly she replaced me, only after 4 months of me giving her a choice of or me. i'll spare whoever is reading this a longer novel but here is what has me so deeply devastated, to the point that I FEEL LIKE DYING . i found out that after i gave her ultimatum, she went on a coke binge, and was close to overdosing. the guy who she started dating was there to "nurse her back to health". so she started seeing him. a little bit later ..she was raped. i feel so guilty about this! she was raped by an uncle who had previously molested her as a. now i don't know what to do. she has mentioned doing other things she is ashamed of, hinting at the fact that she performed sexual acts for during the break up, etc. we are friends now and i am trying to help her as much as i can. she had left this guy she was with in order to give US a, but the pull of dominating a sexually was too great, and she is back with him. in her own words, she is using him "just for sex". i am sure she is doing it as a means to reclaim ownership of her body. as a way to feel in control of her sexuality again. and now, i feel like the more she has meaningless sex w/this guy, the more confused she be. she also started drinking excessively and doing shrooms. this guy lets her do whatever she wants b/c he doesn't want to "change her". i feel so lost. spontaneous rock hunting friendHonestly, you make it sound as though this situation was forced on you. No one forced you to have sex and make a with a who wasn't capable of being a father. No, m'dear, these are the results of choices that you made along the way. Raw deal? are a "raw deal"? Yes, it's true that your recreational opportunities are more limited when you are responsible for someone -'s life. You could have chosen to give him up for adoption, but you didn't want to. This is the opposite side of that coin. Even parents with fully committed partners sometimes find having to put their first is a bit of a PITA. But you do it because that's what you signed on for, when you chose to bear and raise your. No, you don't have to be a nun until your is of legal age. But at the same time, you do have a responsibility to your to provide a stable environment and teach him responsibility for both himself and the others that he choose to let into his life. Watching his mother turn her life upside down in order to be with a is NOT a good role model. Is that what you want your to become? don't give me that crap about marriage being "outdated" by the time he is older. That's rationalization talking. Marriage always be the gold standard in terms of commitment. lonely latina
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