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Because first of all, you don't get to tell her who she can and can't talk to, Mr. Control Issues. Second, that sounds like a perfectly innocent conversation on her part (which you had no business reading in the first place, Mr. Insecurity); third, you don't get to dictate how other people address her, either; if you think she didn't have a life, or friends, or anything before wonderful you came into the picture, or need her to pretend that's the case, you better get over yourself in a hurry if you intend to continue a relationship with her. Tough shit if you don't like "-" and "beautiful". Now you think you can censor her conversations and dictate who is an isn't an acceptable (to you) friend? Please. I it proves "too hard" for you to keep to yourself and you tell her what you did. Then I she wakes up and chalks the last months up to the just-ended newlywed phase and realizes this is who you are underneath, an insecure, jealous, controlling jerk. And then she moves on and finds someone who doesn't need to dictate who his partner talks to, and how, and why. Someone she doesn't need to have a fucking contract with regarding her privacy or her thoughts or her choice of friends. Issues, indeedy. beautiful women in BilchandakObituaries are histories. They memorialize our dead and bring them back to life. I had forgotten Firestone over the years. But reading Faludi’s tribute to her reminded me of what that time was like, the fervid nature of early Second-Wave feminism and how it changed my own life and the lives of so women around me. Re-reading Owen’s poetry reminds me of how much we lose without concomitant histories; Faludi interviewed dozens of people who had known Firestone. But Owen’s family destroyed every detail of his life that wasn’t a poem. And so we never know, for sure. Just like we never know for sure about Sakia Gunn. Because she was only 15, because she was black, because she was a lesbian, because she was just starting to live her real life, heading to the queer hangouts in Greenwich Village, feeling her strong butch self, details were scant about her. Unlike Shepard, her father wasn’t a diplomat, her mother wasn’t an activist. Keeping her legacy alive has been left to those of us who consider her female, of color life of equal importance. Sakia Gunn’s murder told me a lot about her life. It tells me she fought. It tells me she made her voice heard. It tells me she wasn’t about pretense. It tells me she was brave. It tells me she died telling the truth about her life. These lives–and sadly violent deaths–remind us of why we need to take note of our dead, pay tribute to their lives, leave a lasting memorial. In respects, obituaries are our only histories. In small-town newspaper where we read of someone survived by their longtime companion, this is the only notation of a queer life and death. For centuries that was the only thin marker of our queer lives. passionate females
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