Rambling A over a year ago, I passed up the chance of having the one person I always wanted, because I wanted my freedom. I wanted just myself again, afer years of trying to love someone else, who was determined to erase my existence I guess we could say. I said mean, heartless things that I regret.I was drowning in mid air trying to the reality of everything happening around me, that I hurt the one person I never wanted to hurt. I think back to those conversations a lot of times I just want to cry, how could I let someone break me down so badly, that all I could say to the one person I actually loved was harsh, shattering words? How in the world did I let things get so out of control, that I couldnt even control myself? Then the hundreds of memories of the love I so wanted flashes through, its just.. a hurricane of mixed emotions.. Then I block everything out, its too overwhelming for me to deal with. Tears are not something I wish to shed. I couldnt apologize even though I want to, nothing I could say or do, could erase what I said and did. Time doesnt rewind, there are no do overs. All that because at the time, I wanted myself and my freedom. Well I got my freedom and myself. Turns out I've too much freedom these days. Most nights I lay awake with a thousand memories, words, or just random thoughts rambling through my mind, to fall asleep and dream of the love I once upon a time knew. I guess the upside is I dont dream every night, well not that i always re, but these days its that I sleep. Its crazy to me, that I gave up the chance because I wasnt exactly sure if what I believed I wanted was what I wanted or thoughts of someone else. Makes no sense im sure. But now that I've had this year to myself, the freedom of doing whatever I please, no one hounding me, or trying to change who I am, Ive realized a lot of things. Like that I always changed what I said I wanted in a guy over the years.. example "I don't like little guys I like bigger guys". Only I wasnt cl Array naughty webcam chat BondioloI need some entertainment m4w looking for a married or lonely housewife, actually anybody is cool, just want to e-mail and talk to someone when im bored, we can talk about absolutely anything, im not into any drama so dont worry, we dont have to meet and you dont have to give out your number, just email and entertain each other. If anyone out there is down just hit me up, discreet fun is all im looking. Did I mention discreet
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ca65 horny woman looking Tucsoniai've spent hours, on afternoons sittin in that unbelievably sexy e55 in the showroom. doesn't mean i'm any closer to driving it out of there. (although i'm familiar with where the key locker is, and how the storefront doors open, and the hours of opperation, and the security detail, and the sentencing laws for GTA in WA but i digress.) i'm trying to help you, not him cuz he's not here asking for help with his "situation." if the guy likes you that much and still doesn't have the balls to end his current relationship where does it leave you? more likely, he just isn't convinced that leaving his 'other' for you is the right thing to do. but and this is big as as you're willing to let him do both, he's not going to change it. if what you have, is not what you want YOU need to change it. you CANNOT force him to you more. you CANNOT force him to want to be with you more. he you 'some,' and he want to be with you 'some,' but obviously as is told by his current pillow dent, he doesn't want it bad enough to JUST be with you. if YOU don't want to share him, tell him you want to be friends and consign yourself to the heartache you've already earned (vs the greater heartache you could go through if you stick around for another 2 years and nothing changes.) ultimatum? makes it easier for him to drop you. just tell him that this isn't what's best for you, and you'd like to be friends, and you're going to open yourself up to other relationships. or keep doing what your doing ? dating web sites
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I know it's silly, but Christmas was the biggest, most important day of the year growing up. I % all the traditions my parents carried on for us, and always had dreams of doing themw ith own. Ex NEVER cared about Christmas. On Christmas mornings, he slept until i begged him to wake up so could open presents. All the preparation, excitement building, tradition stuff was all me. I just feel like they out. And what would be wrong with my seeing them on his year? Why would he objecxt to his seeing their mom on a huge holiday? I offered to split the day on my year, if he came up, because I'd prefer they had both their parents, whenver possible, and I think they would too. And I'd be driving down to split the day on his year. Evangeline cocks Evangeline
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