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Two men camping in the mountains had spent days together, and they were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says, "You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today. I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south and spend the day. Then tonight, we'll have dinner and share our experiences over the campfire." The second friend agrees and hikes south. The first hikes north. That night over dinner, the first tells his story: "Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?" The second friend says, "I went south and ran across a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I came across a beautiful woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks, and I had sex with her in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp." "Wow!!" the first guy exclaimed, "Your day was MUCH better than mine. Did you get a blow job, too?" "Nah," says the second friend over his meal, "I couldn't find her head." local sluts in Plainview Texas
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Dear Mrs. Woolf, Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras": 1. 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5- minute intervals. 3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money. 5. 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of chips. 6. 14: Moved a 'CAUTION WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty obliged. 8. 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' Emergency Medics were ed. 9. 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 10. 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. 11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme. 12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his '- look' by using different sizes of funnels. 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' horny women Folkestoneeven more so when I lived in the country .it's second nature to me .I have no issues with being able to protect myself and mine on a second's notice .just seems the thing to do .and it aint cause of where we live .heck, when I lived 3 from Camp, I was more locked and loaded then now! Then again, that's when was in office so you can understand why. :) women for sex
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