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In order to seriously broach this subject, you're going to have to tell him about the monitoring software, and he is going to be royally pissed and try to make the argument about that. On the other hand, I can say that porn viewing, like any other addiction you can name (alcohol, gambling, shopping, phone sex, World of Warcraft, even web-surfing), if carried to excess, damages a marriage or LTR by taking time and energy away from the union: the more compulsive and the more time, the worse it gets. He needs to realize that his viewing is getting seriously compulsive and is not in his own best interests, let alone yours. Also, that it's not really any different in the run than alcoholism or what-have you, in its negative effect on his life and marriage. But how exactly you're going to bring that up tactfully without his hitting the roof and denying or defending the porn as harmless is a head-scratcher. Maybe e up one of those checklists for determining whether you're addicted to porn, and have him read it? Emphasize it's not about depriving him of enjoyment, even porn a few days a week, but about getting it back more into proportion to the rest of his life and enjoyments. sweey contry girlI need to clear a few things up. My husband had addiction problems several years back. I didn't know he was addicted to Loratabs. On his own, still without me knowing anything, he began treatment. The doctor prescribed him some opiiate replacements and anti-depressants. I could tell something was up because his personality changed. He went from and fun, friendly, loving guy with lots of energy to an emotional vegetable. We stop conversing, stop hanging out together, stopped having sex. He was extremely disconnected. I had just began back at college and thought that my schooling was the drain on our relationship. I thought he was no longer interested in me. I thought he was checking out of the relationship. I was discussing this with his step-mom and she mentioned that it could be a possibility since he really wasn't an education kind of guy because he dropped out in the 10th grade. She thought I knew this. I didn't. I was told by him that he graduated. When I confronted him he admitted lying and then admitted the usage. Things were still really bad. I would find out a new lie every week or so. He wouldn't let me be part of his treatment. We lived horribly for about nine months and then I decided I wanted a separation because things had really gotten bad. After being separated a while we decided to try to make it work and have been doing really well for the last year. That's the background of what he did. Here is what I did. I had a hard time forgiving him especially since the lies kept popping up and he was still horribly distant. I knew that I needed time and space to figure things out but didn't know how to tell him. I also really screwed up about a month before I asked for a separation. I cheated on him with a friend of ours who had knowledge about everything that was going on and was a supportive ear. I know that nothing my husband did or didn't do is any excuse for my actions. It's all back story and helps to explain my frame of mind at the time. I thought the end was inevitable. After we separated, I cooled off and could think clearly. I also saw and got to know the that I had married again. We decided to make it work. I decided to not tell him about the affair because I figured it would hurt everyone too much. I also made that decision upon the advice of our marriage counselor. dating older guys
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