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relaxing massage sensual so, now that i am single (gasp!), i have been doing a lot of thinking about what i want out of future relationships. i have decided that kink always be a part of who i am, and that i want it to be something valued by future partners. however, i do not want it to be the main focus of the relationship or the reason we got together in the first place, if that makes sense. i appreciate that some of you would make it a higher priority than myself but what i am interested to know is: how did you meet your kinky partner? i am more interested in people who knew they were kinky and started a new relationship, not those who "learned along with their partner" types. i am not looking for dating advice at this time, i plan on staying single for a while yet but i have never had to "date" with this issue before. how did you bring it up? did you meet in a "vanilla" setting and it was just a coincidence? i am totally rambling here, and not expressing exactly what i have been thinking about i guess i worry about disclosing too much about my kinky leanings in the fear that be the reason someone wants to date me, ya know? any advice or musings welcome.
tonight last call She's not who you married, but you're not who she married, either. Maybe she felt over-burdened with unrealistic goals. Maybe what she thought she wanted then is not what she really wants. Some people live to work. Some people work to live. There's a big difference. I'm just asking, are you so focused on achieving goals that you overwhelm her and drag her along, not realizing, or realizing but rationalizing, that your way is the best way? I wouldn't mind driving a fancy car and wearing nicer clothes, taking exotic vacations and enjoying more dinners out. Some folks bust a nut to make that stuff happen, but I consider that stuff fluff. It's cool, it's fun, but a taste of those things is enough for me. Maybe it's enough for her, too. Or, maybe you're right, and she has gotten lazy. Burned out. Depressed, even. Then the question becomes, can you live with who she really is now? Do you her, or who she used to be? Why not have a calm discussion, and really listen? don't project YOUR onto her. I've got a vibe that you tend to do that, and it's sure to make her shut down. Find out what really makes her tick today, not umpteen years ago. And if you two can't find some middle ground where you can both be happy.
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