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But I'm kind of confused I'm not sure if I'm attracted to girls per se, but I feel more like I'm attracted to THIS one as an individual. I don't know. But anyway, I kept the emotions tucked away because the nature of our casual 'friendship' was never supposed to have emotions involved. But here's another thing that's messing with my head. She is engaged. And her fiancee doesn't know about the whole thing actually before all this, she told him that she wanted to try hooking up with a girl in general, and he shot it down saying that it would be cheating (which is understandable), and they never re-visited the issue. I feel guilty of being involved with someone who's attached because I'm usually a ethical person. So, I know that I need to remove myself from this whole situation, but I'm finding it difficult. I actually care about her now, and I know that if I get in too deep, it's just going to mess with me even more because she doesn't wanna get emotionally involved (neither did I but I can't help the way I feel now). Sometimes she tells me things like fights she's been having with her fiancee (has nothing to do with me or her bi-curiosity), and she'll tell me that she ended up crying, and it really breaks my heart to know that she felt sad. I find myself thinking about her all the time, even though I know I should get a hold of myself and back away from this situation. Sigh sbf 4 single man
but to those that judged me: i do admit that i am a spoiled girl. but i never take advantage of my dates. in fact, i am the opposite of a demanding girl. i have a nice life of my own and i've always been able to spoil myself with or without men. if there was one thing i wanted a guy to provide for me that i can't on my own, it's just companionship and commitment. that being said, i do enjoy when my dates go out of his way to treat me like a while i am too, a generous girl. it's not about the gifts,money or 's about the effort a guy puts in for me. and i know and am able to reciprocate with thoughtful gifts and doing nice things for him too. he has also showed no signs of being a player. always supporting me in everything i do, and telling me he'd be a great father someday, how he thinks my parents are so lucky to have a daughter like me..and how he admires his dad blablabla.. it became very hard for me to believe a guy like him could be an asshole :( when he broke up with me,i continued to care for him hoping it change his mind. i wanted to prove that i am a good gf and that i can make his life better. if i acted desperate, it was because i truly wanted something more meaningful with him. i cut him off when i didn't want to be hurt everyday anymore:( but he refused and told me he always be my friend. i disagreed, but he never stopped inviting me out for innocent activities. and i slowly started talking to him like b4. when i agreed to out more often again, it was partly out of curiosity, because it has been a year and i wanted to know if i have really moved on. or even just to prove to myself whether he really cares for me as a friend, or he's an asshole and i should hate him. yet i realized i still have so much feelings for him. I started being nice to him again, even agreeing to design his place free(i'm an interior designer) a part of me just want him to remember me as a girl that did her best, if we were to never talk to each other again after this. as i force myself to move on. i do admit that i am selfish for doing this to my current date. but we are all selfish when it comes to. my can't decide what my heart chooses. my current date doesn't make my heart beat the same way..although his and kindness is slowly healing me. it still doesn't feel the same way :( i don't get any "butterflies". who wants to go to summit news with meLooking for someone to flirt sext with. no strings sex
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