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Except that I was a 15-yo runaway, taken in by an older brother and his wife for awhile (with little ones), and later an older aunt and uncle who'd already raised teenagers. I was rebellious as hell, coming from years of in a dysfunctional home. It's a miracle that I didn't end up pregnant or on through this stage of my teen years. My brother and his wife tried, but I was a bit more than they could handle effectively. After a year, they sent me to live with my aunt and uncle hoping they'd have more room and experience. Let me tell you what worked for me: My aunt and uncle welcomed me with open arms, and no judgments for what I'd done in the past, nor pity for what had been done to me. Just an open door and open hearts. They set the rules at the very start. Not extreme, just clear and delivered with respect and. They laid out expectations for me go to school, work to make good grades, and help with household chores. In return, I'd have freedom to participate in after-school activities and spend time with the friends I would make. If I proved my worth, uncle would buy a VW bug for me to drive to school (I was a 16-yo senior in HS). As as my grades held up, I could get a job. As as I honored curfew, I would have freedom. And so on. And they TRUSTED me. Blind trust always, until I showed any reason I could not be trusted then watch out, they were quite consistent and unyielding on consequences. I might have rebelled a bit at the time, but let me tell you: I LOVED that structure! I could absolutely depend on them to be unflinchingly loving and consistent. They were an open book to me I knew *always* what I could expect, good or bad. Even punishments were delivered with and respect. I don't re my uncle *ever* raising his voice or making me feel small for screwing up. And once that consequence was complete, it was NOT held over my head. That trust was back in place. God, how I loved that and honored them for it. One thing which have been a lifesaver: They took a risk, invited some girls about my age on a boating trip (we lived near a lake). These were daughters of some of my uncle's trusted friends. I DID hit it off with these girls, and the friendship was off and running. Kept me away from a worse crowd, at least. a message to the redheads
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