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There was a fairly large break within the feminist movement several years ago (beginning in the late 70s, picking up steam in the 80's, exploding briefly in the 90's, and then quietly vanishing, at least as far as the mainstream was concerned) that was over exactly what you are discussing. A lot of artistic and scholarly work was done by queer women of color at that time, not so much as part of the feminist movement, but precisely intending to say that they were not part of it, and to ask why. People like Anzaldúa, Cisneros, Lord. There are any number of complex theories as to why this happens. Power. Bias. Racism or privilege amongst white feminists. Without disagreeing with any of those I think there's a little something to all of them I think a more fundamental issue that tends to affect almost any crusading cause is that they struggle very deeply with being able to recognize people as individuals. Often by definition, they are fighting for "women" or "the poor" (generic) and have blind spots when it comes to what those individual poor people or women or queers or whatever actually look like, and what their different needs and cultures are like. More dangerously, they tend to any sort of difference as fracturing "the cause," and so they are more than willing to throw individuals under the bus if they do not conform lock step to the vision of what "woman" is. Ultimately, "the cause" becomes more important and than the people within it. Women become more important than woman. This is a danger of fighting for ideas and not for people, and it is certainly not limited to white ladies. I do not think it is unavoidable, but it is often the likely outcome. IMHO, the only way to avoid it is to learn how to be willing to compromise and to learn to accept that real life requires some levels of injustice. Human life CANNOT be perfect. This is a cold position to take and so refuse to take it, but the result is that they become willing to fight the slightest injustice with disproportionate violence. Personally, I would rather be realistic and a little cold than naive and deadly. Blytheville women nakedDoes every marriage have intractable issues that come up again and again? The kinds of disagreements that aren't deal-breakers per se, but probably never be resolved nicely? So let's talk about when you and your spouse have been arguing, and you both want to stop, but at the same time you don't want to apologize for something you don't feel you need to apologize for, and you still feel your spouse is being unreasonable, unfair, and, frankly, hurtful. What do you do, that works for you? Do you take the "happy vs. right" approach, and apologize anyway? Do you take the weasel way out, the, "I'm sorry we got into a fight" kind of apology that doesn't accept any responsibility? Perhaps you just don't speak of it and let time take its course? Even when you don't want to argue, do you find the attempt at detente just flares the argument again? Or is this just a betapyte thing? dating girl
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