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a few mute points. Knowing that he is cheating vs. having a feeling in your gut comes from two different avenues. But digging 'to find evidence' just isn't the answer. I agree it is always best to keep your eyes and ears open because things do pop up. But invading into anothers privacy is just (imho) going to far. Time always tells the tale. You don't know how your life is going to turn out.."hence, your 'I'll be damned if I am one of those 40 or 50 year olds etc." I am one of those people. My first marriage was 18 years. I never pried and consequently, I was the last to know. But I can also keep my head held high and say I trusted him to the end. (Funny as in sic. thing about it is I still trust my first husband far more than my current one.) Once burned, twice shy, I guess. I am dealing with husband #2 (should I say possible stbx2) but on my own time. I don't need to pry and catch him because unfortunately, I figured it out a while back. Again I never dug around I prefered to believe in honesty first. Perhaps, if I had done some diggining, I wouldn't be where I am now. Lesson learned? Possibly. But again, I am old school and not apt to change. His mail, his phone, his s are all his turf. However, I have caught him opening/reading my mail and shuffling through my phone and I have nothing to hide. (Well, I guess I do..if that includes ing a lawyer.) i would love to take you out on a real dateyou can get past your defensive posture here I'm going to suggest you do something because I think something you just wrote might give you a little insight. I'm going to pull the quotes right out of your post. 'its how I respond to everyone I don't like I am even doing it here' 'I still had to play nice, but moving her knick knacks and throwing a pebble on her floor were mild revenge.' Now, I did say I agree with going reasonable in divorce, calmer you are the better but what's also occuring here is you using your ability to be rational as a weapon and as justification for your actions. You are rationalizing away each poke at you, each time someone say's 'hey, wait a minute that's not cool' being nice when you would rather punch someone in the face is 'mature' um, not always. Not when it's being done to bolster your position for an advantage and control. That's cold and calculating, manipulative wait for the mistake and sieze the opportunity. I should know, it's a tool I use..especially at work, in business and yes, I used it in my divorce. I KNOW I'm being calculating and manipulative. Take the stupid cup trick and your rationalization of why its no big deal because this pulled a lot of crap on you and you were feeling what? Annoyed and mischievous and it was 'mild revenge'., what you pull is playful cute..it's MILD..what others do is much worse isn't it? Now, read back through your posting history, no context..don't rationalize by saying 'oh yeah but - what I was defending' just you and your words. You really want to WIN the argument, not resolve an issue they're different goals. In divorce negotiation fuck I want to win the argument too, in some business stuff too but be very careful in how far you go and what you end up ultimately teaching here. because at some point you need to move off your upper hand position and get to the real goal, an indifference to your ex and resolution to managing/fostering a good relationship between her and her father. Where you don't have to exert ANY control. adult dating
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