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If I am abundantly clear and lay this right at their feet and walk away . what if they don't do it? What if they walk away, too? I'm not as cold and heartless as they are. I fear I couldn't live with myself. Allright. Time for reality. I've done this before, with someone. Still doing it. Only that time, the person had caused real personal and physical pain to me and my family. That person's own family disowned her, as well I was the last holdout. Me, alone. It took tremendous willpower and a bucket of guilt (my brother's keeper, your brother as I have loved you, and all that ), but I walked away. She's 88 years old, terrible health, living alone and handicapped. Key difference: This person had the means to hire whatever help she desired, and not one marble missing from her head so I knew she'd survive without me. I walked. I've often felt that life in this world is a training ground for better things to come. I think I have passed test #1 now perhaps it's time for test #2 on this same topic, only this time the challenge (overcoming guilt?) has been stepped up a notch. OR, I failed test #1, and this is a second to get it right. aaaarrrgggghhhh. Talking this out with you folks helps a bunch, really. I be blogging here, but it's therapy for me. Thanks for listening and offering ideas. fuck lady for Big SpringI know what your talking about, my mom was 89 when she passed away, we took her to the hospital, they told us it looked bad, but the Doctor made it seem like .she won't last (meaning days). She seemed fine infact she was giving us the of aunts to because we didn't remember and her, at her age did. No one wanted to stay with her that night it was like (ok, we've been this way she'll be released tomorrow been there done that). Most of the time my oldest would stay, me, I hated staying..bad daughter, but she lived with me and I felt my other siblings should at least do their part. Anyhow we all left, he last words as we left is to bring her brush in the morning. We left and not even 15 they ed that we needed to return. When we walked in she was limp, not gone yet but unaware of anything. The nurse was crying because she is the one that said "She'll be fine, tomorrow we'll do test, go home". About 3 later she was gone. I don't know if she knew we were there. My daughter of course took it real hard, she arrived after she died. It was hard those first days replaying it over and over. But somehow I think it would of been worst if one of us stayed and had to witness the trauma she had (heart attack). In some way I think she knew that is why she did not insist we stay. Death cannot always be perfect, when my dad died we were all around. I am writing a journal for my daughters in it I talk about my death. I don't want them to regret if they aren't around the day I am ed to leave this world. I think at the moment of death I be more concerned with my soul and beliefs and in God .not sure if we really are concerned with "who is in attendance". I would not want my to me suffer or have to witness a trauma, I rather them remember another way. Forgive yourself, coz he has. girls having sex
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