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Dear Foxy: Riding the Q from Brighton Beach, there you were, on the opposite bench, surprisingly youthful and confident, but it was YOU alright. I am crying, still, now, as I write this, as I was so sure that I would never, ever you again. And there you were, on a rainy Monday evening…happy, whole.. All the things you were not or, rather really WERE, but that you just couldn't, blinded by life as you were. It was as if tonight I got to with my eyes what I always saw with my heart—YOU as a whole, not a full of holes… YOU under the mask you had to wear. Do remember, back in the day? everything is so different now. Cooper Union, the Day of Desperation, the camraderie despite the gloom, a pale glow now. I never, EVER, imagined I’d feel nostalgic for those days, and I certainly never entertained the thought I’d still be here, all these years later. And still alone. How was it possible that we found that happiness then, you were my first real friend, before we fell in and then, broke apart again. By accepting me for who I was, you taught me to accept myself. It always anguished me to know that you never learned to yourself the same way. I know I won't you on the other side, you always said that, in the end, you were so tired, you wouldn't be joining us in the afterlife, as you needed your rest after hard traveling the road you found here in this life. I know you won’t be reading this, but I needed to say hello, to say to someone: I still my friend, to say I am unspeakably grateful to have known you, and that you let me your ghost one time again. I KNOW it was you who fleshed out that boy’s body…then dissolved again into the dusk on Dekalb Avenue. I had to fight the need to speak to you—that poor kid would have rightly though I was crackers but that would have dispersed the spell, and although I didn’t know it, I needed to you again. I you know how much I still you all the time. Not a day goes by that I do not think about you. Sometimes it is full of sadness and sorrow, mostly gratitude because even then WE KNEW how lucky we were to have found each other. Always, YOURS, even when I’m not… looking for a play placeI need advice. We have been married for just over a year. Been together for 4 and known each other for 9. She had these feeligs for this person during her last marriage. We both came from a nasty divorce and helpped each other through that. However this person came back into her life several months ago and I did not find out until about 3 months ago. During that time her feelings came back and now she wants an open relationship. She has gone as far as to post and reply to adds on to find me another woman to keep me occupied while she explores these feelings to if they are just infatuation ore the real deal. Honestly I have read a few things that tell me she would leave and move in with him if it were possible but due to financial reasons as well as custody of both her and my due to our ex situation prevents either of us from walking away. Her friends, and family are upset for her doing this. I am not sure what to do about any of it. As it is I feel like more of a ghost than I am in a relationship becasue we are not talking much and when the are not here she is with him. When she is here she is on the phone, online, or texting him most of the day. I have tried looking for someone to keep me occupied as she has asked but feel wrong about doing it and of course all I have received are spam website offers anyway. I have been told by several people in chat rooms that an open relationship only works for the woman involved. All of my friends have moved ar dropped off of the face of the earth so I do not even have the ability to talk with anyone for advice so now I am turning here. Can anyone provide me some guidance or wisdom as to how to navigate through this hell that I am in. I still my wife and she sees this relationship as a new feeling that has passed on after a while but feel she not get to that point until she has lived with him for 4 years. She looks at him like she used to look at me. Advise is welcome. Thank you all for taking the time to read my ramblings. best online dating site
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