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Seems you're married to a complex, living, breathing human being, not some cardboard cutout stereotype. If he wanted it once per month would you understand this? Once per day would bring understanding? Once per year? If he never wanted it would that make sense? You didn't let us know what your expectation is. My point is that people are complex. Put two people together and everything gets more complex. Your life project is to gain some understanding of yourself and those around you and hopefully be able to shape your life with that knowledge. First task is to 1) create a list of the facts (not opinion) about the relationship and then 2) create a list of what you want out of this relationship. Since you mentioned sex, focus on that first. Pencil and paper works fine. I prefer e docs or a e spreadsheet. Next you need to take out a piece of paper. Draw a simple Venn diagram with two overlapping circles. One circle be labelled "What I want". The other circle be labelled "What my partner wants". You now get to spend the rest of your life (or the life of the relationship) filling in the details of the Venn diagram. Both of the above activities don't require communication with your partner. At some point you want to loop him in on this exercise. Do so tactfully, since he's a living, breathing human being with emotions, strengths, weaknesses, and limitations. If it's too hard to get the ball rolling then consider getting a mediator/counselor to help guide the conversation. singles holiday party for the naughty and the niceIm having trouble telling whether I am just panicking or if I need to leave my SO. Im 27, we have been together since we started college. Its been 8 years. Minimal fighting, only one breakup, last year for a few weeks. Overall, its been smooth sailing. He is what every woman searches for, essentially: Honest, educated, caring, in shape, faithful, loving, great in bed We started out having tons of fun together studying and stuff. Graduated. Started working. We both started Graduate programs and have almost finished them. Its been hard work this whole time with everything. And since our breakup last year, I know he is fast-tracking a proposal shit, its been 8 years for christ's sake. But now I am panicking. I cant stop wondering what it would be like to walk away from this, try something or someone new I feel like I have been with him so, that I dont have the ability to have anything to measure against I have lost my bearings on what it felt like to be just me. I have become the proverbial 'we'. I find myself daydreaming about picking up and leaving. Is this a normal battle that all have to face an lifetime with one person? Or is he just not right? Bottom line is that I'm bored, in a lull, uninterested in all things his, except sex, which remains great. Despite all his amazing strengths, I wish he cared more about being social, romantic and creative. I want to be excited but I'm just, not. He's really great about everyday stuff dinner, walking the dog, laundry and all that. But he does not do well with romance or spontaneity. He doesnt like my friends. He doesnt really have his own. It was my birthday a few months ago and he didnt do anything really. After our breakup being so recent, I had gotten my expectations up a little. Whenever I think about ending it, I stop and imagine his life without me and then I feel like complete shit because I am his single most favorite thing in the world, to put it lightly. Advice? looking for couple
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