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I struggle with a gf sometimes who likes to fancy herself "the chivalrous one." This is for any number of reasons, but the main one is that it sometimes makes me feel like I am either being treated like a or like a delicate little teacup that she thinks break at any moment. The truth is that I LIKE doing things by myself, I LIKE a challenge, and I LIKE having things up in the air. I LIKE being an adult much more than I ever liked being a. And I most certainly am not a teacup. So although I realize that she is doing what she does because she loves me, it is also frustrating, because it takes away of my favorite things. Over time we have come to a good balance of things where she gets to be chivalrous sometimes or in specific ways, but she does not do every thing for me or defer to me always or INSIST that I order first off the menu EVERY TIME. Sometimes she even lets me hold the door. I do not think that the first scenario was her loving "too hard," as you put it, but simply channeling that into the wrong places, or expressing her in a way that was not appropriate for ME. The trick is to find a way to express it that works for both of you, not just one of you. grandaddy in Blythe tonight-The second-person perspective rarely works for stories like these. That is much better suited for personal letters or stories meant for a specific someone, rather than a broad audience. The constant stream of I/you ends up being a bit distracting. Stick with first person, or a narrator. -More kink!! -While better written than your typical "Dear Penthouse" story, it still reads like one due to the exclusive focus on describing genitals and sex acts in great detail. How well this is received depends a lot on your target audience though. people prefer to stay focused on the juicy bits and don't care one whit about the psychological and emotional underpinnings. I am not one of them. (Know your audience.) -"Throbbing member" should be stricken from your erotic vocabulary, lol. Avoiding those cliches are one of the toughest parts of erotic writing. All in all, fairly well-written, but predictable. Keep writing. sugar baby
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