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There are a number of issues here, so right off the bat you need to sort them out one at a time and don't let them cloud over each other, creating a miasma of gunk that nobody could figure out. Each issue has to be carefully and lovingly and firmly dealt with. The brother in law is being very insensitive, but he can't be expected to have the same or tolerance of your father as you do; still, if you are forced to choose between the in-laws and your dad, you must face this squarely and make your choice, and not look back. Your father's hygeine is a troubling problem on levels. I think you need to do whatever you can to steer him into the tub. He be old and cranky, but you can't pretend he's as fresh as a flower when he isn't. The bigger issue is his health; infections and sores can develop from not washing, and at his age that could be a real problem. It would be better to risk hurting his feelings than to him hospitalized for skin ulcers that sap his health and are totally preventable. Hurting Dad's feelings seems to be a big theme in all the relationships. I think his feelings should be respected, but that doesn't give him the right to manipulate other people. There really is a balance between honesty and. Sometimes, it's gracious and respectful to be honest! "Dad, I'm going to be honest with you because I respect you." sometimes creates boundaries. Not that he won't be loved if he doesn't comply with your requests (although he fear this), but you him so much, you make some boundaries within which the family can get along better, Dad can be healthier, and holidays can be merrier. Getting him a hearing aid is a boundary that makes good sense, as does requiring him to bathe, wear clean clothes, and do other things that demonstrate his for you. It's not just a one-way street you know. Maybe it was in the past, but now your must be mutually respectful and honest. Doesn't he deserve that? don't you? i d love to pleasure youWhat woman (or -) can revel in the of home and family, when they're worried about becoming a single parent? When the breadwinner spouse is showing signs of instability in the marriage or a selfish drive of his own, what's the SAH spouse to do? Continue breadbaking and vaccuuming as though nothing's amiss? ago, women just didn't have other options. Convinced by society and their families that a woman's place was in the home, they could NOT support their families well by herself. She HAD to do whatever necessary to entice the breadwinner to stay not because she loved the home life, but because she knew she couldn't support the family better on her own. Is *this* the kind of loyalty and devotion to family you'd seek, custodydad? Really out of fear and weakness, and not? Human nature seeks first to meet physical needs food, water, shelter. Once that's met, next most important is safety the security of finances and the home. Then and acceptance., a person won't be receptive to when they're starving. Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs read up on it. This is what drives wives and mothers to seek their own security in meeting their own needs they *cannot* depend on their spouse to provide for and them for rest of their lives. To put such blind trust in anyone is a form of suicide. You want things to go back to how they used to be because it was easier for men and they had more control. But you're turning a blind eye to how this arrangement has affected women throughout the ages. It's a social revolution in progress, which I think (-) one day find the right balance between home, work, family, and stability for everyone. But that's not going to happen until men let go of the need to control and repress to their own benefit. But it has to be equal power shared, custodydad. As a society, we need to reach that stage of self-actualization. That's not going to happen as as half of us are still striving for security. lonely mature
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