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very curious and need a discreet encounter She's not who you married, but you're not who she married, either. Maybe she felt over-burdened with unrealistic goals. Maybe what she thought she wanted then is not what she really wants. Some people live to work. Some people work to live. There's a big difference. I'm just asking, are you so focused on achieving goals that you overwhelm her and drag her along, not realizing, or realizing but rationalizing, that your way is the best way? I wouldn't mind driving a fancy car and wearing nicer clothes, taking exotic vacations and enjoying more dinners out. Some folks bust a nut to make that stuff happen, but I consider that stuff fluff. It's cool, it's fun, but a taste of those things is enough for me. Maybe it's enough for her, too. Or, maybe you're right, and she has gotten lazy. Burned out. Depressed, even. Then the question becomes, can you live with who she really is now? Do you her, or who she used to be? Why not have a calm discussion, and really listen? don't project YOUR onto her. I've got a vibe that you tend to do that, and it's sure to make her shut down. Find out what really makes her tick today, not umpteen years ago. And if you two can't find some middle ground where you can both be happy.
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