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I appreciate your replies. They do ease my mind. I really do not want my marriage to end but I also want to feel safe and secure in it. That is where I am now these days. I have looked into getting more counseling for myself. I have encouraged him as well since he has a lot of issues from his childhood that he has dealt with by himself for years and years. As far as having time to ourselves, it is hard since we do not have anyone to watch our but we did finally go to the beach last and that was nice. We never had a honeymoon or vacation together. When we moved in together we also moved my sick Mother in with us so we just could not afford to go anywhere. We still wanted to each other so we just went to the courthouse. When I look back I guess we did have a lot going on but on. nice guy seeks nice but also naughty woman
especially by my mother. But it just did not seem rational that it could be bad, dirty, or wrong, when sex was necessary for the propagation of the species, and that sexual was pervasive in out culture. There were so conflicts that didn't make sense. Why was it acceptable for a and a woman to do a certain sex act, but not a two women or two men to do essentially the same thing? Eventually, I discovered that it was a for intimacy, not just sex, that me to others, men and women. The sex was good, and often it was an opportunity for me to make an intimate connection to another, and that was what was really fulfilling for me. hot female needed to help me piss off my exI sucked it up and went over to her house. She pretended as though nothing had happened. I did not bring my bf. My sister and I cooked dinner, made conversation, and opened some gifts, and went home. The truth is, I do pity my mother, and always have. Although the thought of spending "quality time" with her these days practiy turns my stomach, I feel bad for her, so I do what is expected of me, even though I resent it later. But the holidays can be a very lonely time, and I'm sure it is scary to grow old alone. Ugh. Bah humbug. Xmas, all. And thanks again for the input. dating friends
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