Rambling A over a year ago, I passed up the chance of having the one person I always wanted, because I wanted my freedom. I wanted just myself again, afer years of trying to love someone else, who was determined to erase my existence I guess we could say. I said mean, heartless things that I regret.I was drowning in mid air trying to the reality of everything happening around me, that I hurt the one person I never wanted to hurt. I think back to those conversations a lot of times I just want to cry, how could I let someone break me down so badly, that all I could say to the one person I actually loved was harsh, shattering words? How in the world did I let things get so out of control, that I couldnt even control myself? Then the hundreds of memories of the love I so wanted flashes through, its just.. a hurricane of mixed emotions.. Then I block everything out, its too overwhelming for me to deal with. Tears are not something I wish to shed. I couldnt apologize even though I want to, nothing I could say or do, could erase what I said and did. Time doesnt rewind, there are no do overs. All that because at the time, I wanted myself and my freedom. Well I got my freedom and myself. Turns out I've too much freedom these days. Most nights I lay awake with a thousand memories, words, or just random thoughts rambling through my mind, to fall asleep and dream of the love I once upon a time knew. I guess the upside is I dont dream every night, well not that i always re, but these days its that I sleep. Its crazy to me, that I gave up the chance because I wasnt exactly sure if what I believed I wanted was what I wanted or thoughts of someone else. Makes no sense im sure. But now that I've had this year to myself, the freedom of doing whatever I please, no one hounding me, or trying to change who I am, Ive realized a lot of things. Like that I always changed what I said I wanted in a guy over the years.. example "I don't like little guys I like bigger guys". Only I wasnt cl Array looking for crystal from 21Do You Believe In Second Chances? I just want to say I am sorry. Something that could have turned out better didn't and it's my own fault. I should have known better that you were not going to be interested in me when we finally did meet. I tried to tell you that ahead of time. I truly understand and have no hard feelings. I suppose I jumped the gun on you and that wasn't fair. If you should read this (I really don't think so), I just want to let you know I'm sorry and miss you. Kaneohe wife looking for sex ts dating
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new york city girls fuck my husband s me to tell me hes working later probably wont be home til 10 at midnight i get worried cant get a hold of him (not the first time) a bunch no answer so i check our phone records and he ed his friend who he go just afk on me with and so i ed the friend then i get a text "NO worry I be home in a bit" Seriously then i again he answers enough for me to her him and his guy friend talking while road noise and he ends the and texts hes on a drive and refuses to answer my. Yeah, I did blow up his phone. I am sure he lied about working late and ended up driving farther then he said. and he doesn't even have the decency to let me know what hes doing. this same exact thing has happened before and even not that ago. We have talked he said hes sorry hell next time but here we are and he wont even take my. I want to tell him to not bother coming home. Does'nt seem like he cares that much about being here or even being honest with me and respecting me let along making me feel like I'm important. I feel like I'm around cuz i help out cuz i help pay the bills. Its not even like his job is more intense then mine its the opposite i work longer hours and a more deadline orientated job. I duno what to do talking doesn't seem to work so what. do i need to really tell him to not come home. I didn't get married to be treated like this and worried like this but i also take my commitment seriously but we have only even been married 2 years we shouldn't even have these issues. single moms for a fuck in Kalbarri
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