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Interestingly I have never been much of a dare-devil in other aspects of my life. Most people, particularly those in my family, might even say I was sort of a wimp. I've never been one to take a lot of risks. Maybe because I don't trust the elements or the rope or the net. But when it comes to relationships and BDSM, I find a place to take that risk to get that high on the edge of a where you can already feel the earth slip out from under you even before it does. Trust is the feeling that the ground be there, the other person won't harm me or if they do, they be there. I know for a fact I have misplaced trust and I have given it out in places that to people who sky dive or free climb would consider crazy. But it works for me. I like this. Control is difficult to express for me. There is control that I give in a sort of proactive way, a scene for example. And then there is a control that honestly I cannot direct. That's probably the scariest kind. When realize that I am so far gone that I know they could ask anything of me and I'd do it. I can feel it when I look at them. It's both invigorating and terrifying all at the same time. It's rare. I should probably be grateful for that fact and yet, I can't say that I am. Winter Haven grannies who fuck any one
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