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I'm trying not to repeat myself over and over, trying to hide how shitty I feel, because I know it just push him away, or throw dirt in the face of what he's currently expressing to me. I really wish I weren't like this. :/ All I can do is "fake it til you make it," it seems like. All I can do is just act like everything's as it ought to be until it is. I'm just afraid I'll never let go, never be able to believe him for an extended period of time. And that it come up someday in an argument, try as I might to avoid that type of thing. It's a flaw of mine, dredging. :( Last night when we had sex, he wanted me to mount him and I couldn't bear the idea of doing so. I couldn't bear looking at him while crushing him with my weight and being "in control." I just don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I know all the right ways to tell OTHER people to confront and overcome these feelings, but when I tell myself these things, it all rings so hollow. I guess I just can't get away from myself, and I am my own merciless enemy. horny Alcester milfsshould at least accept it. I was lucky growing up, once we moved to ID we lived in a town of. We used to ride dirt bikes, snowmobile, had to burn slash, cut trees you name it. Then I could go visit my dad, we'd go for sushi and he'd take me to the academy to watch so he could vote. Now I feel comfortable around rednecks or social urbanites. Overall though, rednecks are nicer. long distance relationship
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