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I have not felt well for a few years. Not as mobil as I should be, just not able to do the things i want physiy. The divorce probably didn't help and still having to deal with someone who not communicate doesn't help. I was diagnosed with CLL this year. Chronic Leucocytic leukemia Stage 0. Stage 0 because we only have initial and won't know more until bloodwork. In addition i have a colonoscopy and a transvaginal scope scheduled for this Friday. Not looking forward to either of them. These are to determine what is causinf lower left quadrent pain, nausea,and funky bowel. Did I say I hate being sick. I HATE BEING SICK! It has been raining for the last days which doesn't help. No family here in the north woods, friends but no one close. It has been a busy last 10 days as it was Sr. prom for my sophomore daughter. What busy, busy that was. She was/is beautiful and all gussied up was even more beautiful. She also had to run back and forth to school to play in the string ensemble for Alumni, final concert, Senior class something. Could go on but I'll quit. gsu student looking for a fun friend to come hangoutHard to help you for reasons: your negativity, the stubborn way you cling to cognitive distortions, the way your mind roams from problem to problem so when someone tries to address problem X and causative factors A B, you respond with problems Y Z and causative factors C through G. Look, getting fired IS a massive ego blow for anyone. I am sincerely sorry it happened. Though I KNOW it's the toughest lesson in town, I sincerely you learn from it. Because you have a lot to learn. You really do. And believe it or not, this is the PERFECT time to learn and embark on big changes. It IS an opportunity to make a new start: to take an honest look at yourself, address standing problems, SOLVE them, and move forward from a stronger position. I nothing wrong with going home to regroup. It's a a good idea. The questions are: Is this right time? And is going home tantamount to blowing up your marriage? In trying to sort through that, I end up back at square one: that you're hard to help because your mind complicates accumulates problems, instead of simplifying resolving them. Attempting to cut through ALL the tangles you're further tangling, I end up with this: You ABSOLUTELY must get some decent support in your life. Neediness is the issue that's wrecking your career, relationships, and probably your marriage. It makes you anxious, demanding, critical, self-centered, and ineffective. You’ve ignored my suggestion that avail yourself of professional help, but I'm going to say more about it anyway. IMO, therapists aren't miracle workers. You need a lot more than 50 minutes per week of complaining to a therapist. For that reason, I strongly suggest you: A) Learn cognitive therapy techniques, become EXPERT at them, use your to apply them objectively and religiously. You DESPERATELY need clarity, DESPERATELY need to distinguish fears from facts. Understanding CBT and training your mind to stop awfulizing get you there. B) Join a therapy or support group ASAP. IMO you benefit greatly from group support feedback. I, personally, found it far more beneficial than individual therapy. It “help:” you’ll have a group of helpers who’ll take the pressure off your relentless demand for help in other spheres of life C) Go to individual therapy, as well, so you have a supportive person to talk to. dating point
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