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am really trying to give you an honest assessment. i can not do it with the material you have given, so i rely solely on your behavior and the words you choose. it is rather disturbing that you do not address anyone directly. to me it indicates a (mild?) passive nature in the way you handle what you perceive as problems. this only compounds matters and it is disturbing also to learn of the behavior of your spouse. it is as if she has given up on your marriage as well and is only going through the motions. don't be surprised to find out later that she has also toyed with the idea of possibly leaving. ooooohhhhh made either a freudian slip or is toying with the words "balls" in your court instead of the commonly used term of "ball". you need to (i dislike the term but) up! wine and dine her, put her first. doing the chores is great but you are doing it for the wrong reasons and that is a very important distinction even though the end result be the same. the distinction shows the mental attitude you are in. compound this attitude with this passive nature of yours, i am sure the expression of the outcome is very subtle; possibly in this lackluster attitude of yours. throw in this empty nest period that is imminent which only compounds matters and makes things even more murky. you two must reconnect with each other as you once did before the advent of the. that is going to be hard with your inability to actively be a participant rather than a passive entity in this marriage EMOTIONALLY. i gave you my honest assessment. now it is up to you to breath some life into this marriage. it is going to be tough, because she is conditioned in her behavior and it take and imagination on your part to romance her and help both of you out of this rut. seeking counseling, as an aid to communication if need be but not as a reliance to solve your problems that is up to you and your spouse. oh yeah try to read the underlining points, don't focus so much on the "why" for now. that is for another time when you have time for reflection. focus all your attention on the "how" for now and check for feedback. note the good, bad, and neutral responses and do more of the good and discontinue the actions that brought on a bad result. horny matures Williamstown Vermont
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