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The narcissist lacks empathy. Consequently, he is not really interested in the lives, emotions, needs, preferences, and hopes of people around him. Even his nearest and dearest are, to him, mere instruments of gratification. They require his undivided attention only when they "malfunction" when they become disobedient, independent, or critical. He loses all interest in them if they cannot be "fixed" (for instance, when they are terminally ill). People find the narcissist "cold", "inhuman", "heartless", "clueless", "robotic or machine-like". Early on in life, the narcissist learns to disguise his socially-unacceptable indifference as benevolence, equanimity, cool-headedness, composure, or superiority. "It is not that I don't care about others" he shrugs off his critics "I am simply more level-headed, more resilient, more composed under pressure They mistake my equanimity for apathy." The narcissist tries to convince people that he is compassionate. His profound lack of interest in his spouse's life, vocation, interests, hobbies, and whereabouts he cloaks as benevolent altruism. "I give her all the freedom she can wish for!" he protests "I don't spy on her, follow her, or nag her with endless questions. I don't bother her. I let her lead her life the way she sees fit and don't interfere in her affairs!". He makes a virtue out of his emotional truancy. All very commendable but when taken to extremes such benign neglect turns malignant and signifies the voidance of true and attachment. The narcissist's emotional (and, often, physical) absence from all his relationships is a form of aggression and a defense against his own thoroughly repressed feelings. In rare moments of self-awareness, the narcissist realizes that without his input even in the form of feigned emotions people abandon him. He then swings from cruel aloofness to maudlin and grandiose gestures intended to demonstrate the "larger than life" nature of his sentiments. This bizarre pendulum only proves the narcissist's inadequacy at maintaining adult relationships. It convinces no one and repels. cute girl seeking a sex partnerThe last month or so it’s been bounced around that my gf would find it hot to know I was tied up and teased out of her own hands, even more so if she could it. The idea for her was to get me as frustrated as possible with no sexual contact (the helpless feeling at the hands of an attractive female do enough) and then switch off to use the hopefully new level of desperation to play with me and get more of a reaction than she ever has before… I think her words were “wait until you are going to black out- then make you watch me take off everything as slowly as possible- then hopefully let you have what you want as you’re about to pass out- then you’re still horny enough to keep cuffed for round 2 after you watch me change into a different outfit and paint my nails with my feet resting on your chest to stare at”. She is fairly new at the domination thing, but has taken to it fast since we got together. Her friend, however, has been into the dominatrix persona since they met freshman year of college. She actually had a rule that if a guy wanted seconds after a hookup, he had to agree to handcuffs first. She even had a two-way deadbolt on her apartment door instead of a knob, so she could keep her boyfriend in there after they were serious enough that it wasn’t *too* weird. After a couple of noise complaints though, the solution she found was to just buy duck tape with girly designs to use- she said the designs kept it from feeling like a hostage situation. At one point she supposedly had a shelf above her bed with various gag tapes and keyring hooks labeled with the cuffs they open.. Most weekends she’d lock her boyfriend in the bedroom with the extra door key for an emergency at the bottom of a bottle of purple fabric then she’d take my gf out to get their nails done and shop. I guess my girlfriend never asked how on earth she got her boyfriend to do that every weekend for nearly a year until she wanted to try it on me. I think she taught my gf some tricks because she can get away with the same at this point. =X After checking in at the hotel Friday, we went straight to the room where she started changing into a full lingerie set with six-inch strappy heels. She had me lay back on the bed, buckled and locked a pair of leather cuffs around the headboard to secure me, then tossed on a coat and sunglasses and left the room! horney married
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