Rambling A over a year ago, I passed up the chance of having the one person I always wanted, because I wanted my freedom. I wanted just myself again, afer years of trying to love someone else, who was determined to erase my existence I guess we could say. I said mean, heartless things that I regret.I was drowning in mid air trying to the reality of everything happening around me, that I hurt the one person I never wanted to hurt. I think back to those conversations a lot of times I just want to cry, how could I let someone break me down so badly, that all I could say to the one person I actually loved was harsh, shattering words? How in the world did I let things get so out of control, that I couldnt even control myself? Then the hundreds of memories of the love I so wanted flashes through, its just.. a hurricane of mixed emotions.. Then I block everything out, its too overwhelming for me to deal with. Tears are not something I wish to shed. I couldnt apologize even though I want to, nothing I could say or do, could erase what I said and did. Time doesnt rewind, there are no do overs. All that because at the time, I wanted myself and my freedom. Well I got my freedom and myself. Turns out I've too much freedom these days. Most nights I lay awake with a thousand memories, words, or just random thoughts rambling through my mind, to fall asleep and dream of the love I once upon a time knew. I guess the upside is I dont dream every night, well not that i always re, but these days its that I sleep. Its crazy to me, that I gave up the chance because I wasnt exactly sure if what I believed I wanted was what I wanted or thoughts of someone else. Makes no sense im sure. But now that I've had this year to myself, the freedom of doing whatever I please, no one hounding me, or trying to change who I am, Ive realized a lot of things. Like that I always changed what I said I wanted in a guy over the years.. example "I don't like little guys I like bigger guys". Only I wasnt cl Array Bellevue Nebraska girls looking for sexAttractive college stud for you! Hello,
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ca65 oral receiving womanBut not have the same nature as them. You two do not have the same nature. And the thing is you cannot change soeones nature without resentment being the outcome. You are already experiencing it by you getting rid of some pets for him. You probly hate that you had to do that. You plenty of people that do not share a nature with. You just cannot have a successful, LTR with them. Story i like: Guy is a 80 hours a week hard driving career guy who loves the big city and he meets a great woman who he loves but her nature is to work a few hours a week, read, and listen to on a porch in the woods. no doubt there can be there, but changing either of thier natures for each other would just lead to unhappiness on one of thier parts. Nobody is wrong, the natures just do not line up. Relationships are easy when two people have the right nature. And fighing against it is insanity. Pets example below: Guy sees his friend and he looks very upset: Hey whats the matter? Well I just got this cat and I cannot keep her off the furniture. I have beaten the hell out of it and it not stay off the furniture. Well why does it bother you that it is on the furniture? Well I had a dog that never did that. So the simple answer is if you are a dog in nature find another dog, do not try to turn a cat into a dog. top dating site
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