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You asked, "Should I forget the past 35 years of crulty and support her or protect my family from her which is what I have been doing for a while now?" Why does it have to be one or the other? You truly don't any gray area between these two extremes? It's ONE day. Surely you can put aside resentments for a few hours, paste on your happy face and bite your tongue. Exposing your family to this woman for a few hours not doom them to everlasting misery. Then you can go back to your fits and avoidance the very next day. You should realize that she probably doesn't treat everyone the same way she does you and your parents. Your friend fell in with her so he saw something redeeming and loveable about her which you cannot or not. Doesn't make your perception of her right and his wrong. your conversationalist friendYou still her as the authority and you the. Yes she is your mother now and forever but the dynamics of the relationship should have evolved to another level. What you are considering is the response of the, run away. You are an adult now. You owe it to her to discuss this of your perspective of the negative influence you of her behaviors. What you have been doing is taking a defensive position about your family. That is a -'s response. I am not implying you take an offensive position, you are to take up an adult position as equals and discuss this. This is not going to be easy because your mother is still in parent mode and you are still in mode. The fault is with both of you and neither of you. She as a parent did not let the leash out a little at a time, while you did not tug at the leash and expand your own independence. You might start this discussion with your thoughts on paper since you can not do this change with one bite. You need to take this a small bite at a time. She eventually needs to understand that if both of you can not show mutual respect for each other that you have no choice but to limit your daughter's exposure to her because you that your daughter is acting up with you after these visits. You need to understand that she has had her way all your life so she not or can not change overnight. It be difficult for you also to take up the adult role when you have been taking the role all your life so far. Understanding this, have with her and yourself as you two struggle to settle into this new relationship dynamics. community dating
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