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The logical, rational part of me knows the "rules" and the pointlessness of trying to keep up ties with someone who obviously does not care. But there is this poetic/childish, immature/romantic part of me that keeps telling me that it has to mean something, the things we said to each other, the ease with which we fell into each other, the laughing and the cuddling, etc. etc. etc. that it has to mean something. Otherwise, what's the point of it all? For a certain amount of time we're totally into each other and them boom! nothing? I was the one that sat down and analyzed everything and decided that for me to reject the "let's be friends" offer meant that all I cared about was the sex. That if I really did care about this then I should be able to say, "Ok it didn't work out, but I still want you in my life." And now I don't even ask him to me or to out. I really don't. Because to him would be to perpetuate. I've even de-evolved from hoping for a phone to just wanting to back and forth once in a while. Just to how he's doing, to shoot the shit, to make sure he's happy. No, he wasn't my first boyfriend. On a side note, I read this on a lot of help-me-get-over-my-ex websites where people claim that to be completely honest with someone who wants to break up with you about how much you like them is desperate and needy. But I don't stalk him, him or even talk about my feelings for him anymore. Is it really desperate and needy to wonder why someone who claims that they "still care about you" wouldn't even find the time to follow up a "I'll you next week" with a or an? Just as common human courtesy? This shit blows, I was so happy being single. And now I haven't bought a new bottle of lube in months. safe sane friendly and attractive
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