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ca65 i don t really believe in love but what the hellSo, I've spent most of my life doing what I was taught which is to not question my sexuality and to be who I was expected to be But about two years ago I had a life changing event and started to rebuild myself questioning of the things I do and do not do. One of those things is my sexuality. I have always found women attractive, but I have also always talked myself out of really thinking about it because I was afraid of what the answer would be (and of course, now I'm kicking myself cause I think it would have been easier to do this when I was younger but I guess my 30s are as good a time as any.) I've had a good number of "girl crushes" and never acted on any but I have recently REALLY fallen for one my my close female friends, who also happens to be. The other girls I had crushes on were bi at best. So, I've been pining away for my friend and at the same time I feel guilty because as far as she knows, I'm straight. So I'm that person that she can be close to without fearing that things get awkward and here I am, making things awkward in my head everytime I look at her. I assume some of this has to come across in my behavior, but I'm a rather quirky person by nature, so she probably just writes it off as me being me. So, I've scoured the web, looking for places to talk to people or get advice, and everything is for or the elderly. Where can someone like me go for help? ladies wants men
place is open tonight for me things sometimes don't seem fair. sometimes they do. i guess you could say i had a couple of times yeah, i got controlling and attempted to get even. but, as far as the respect for his and their bedrooms, fine, never a problem. a bathroom on the other hand. i walk in the house with one of my and he has to go to the bathroom so bad that he's tearing up, so i ran into the bathroom nearby i learned that i was "banned" from. but keep in mind, either of them go into my bathroom or bedroom, they don't dare have to ask. okay, i pay part of this house payment, nobody tell me when i can and can't go into a bathroom, naturally when it's unoccupied. it was the quickest one to get to. another thing i got tired of being refused of in that situation is his decided of more rules, it got so damn petty that we had kitchen curfews, due to sharing one kitchen. yeah, that was crazy. and if i wasn't out of that kitchen by , she was raising all kinds of hell. i told him, i want rules too, since we gotta be kindergardeners(sp) about it all. give me a room that they are not allowed in. so, he did at the time. even though, they are both moved out, about a month ago, his daughter was over, got a phone , took it, walked off into my bedroom, didn't ask nothing. i watched her and she started going through my jewelry box and taking necklaces out and looking at them. but, i better not dare say a thing. where's that right? instead i got yelled at because i followed her! with the texting, i felt i betrayed him b/c i shouldn't have even got a texting option being he's against that. and even though i know how to control myself, i shouldn't have asked a question of such to anyone of the opposite sex that would possibly lead to something. i don't think it would but it allows others to gain questions and thoughts in their head that would've been starting with what i started. i definitely want to do counseling with a certified counselor. if nothing, just for me. but, i don't know how to get him to that i feel i need it. if i get it, he'll be mad. if i don't discuss it with him, he'll be mad and immediately end us because once again, i'll be hiding something from him. i just want to scream, if you know what i mean. i got controlling back at times, but it was within due reason. sweet girl seeks good man
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