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This hit you the hardest because you bought into the whirlwind romance idea. You might have vocalized a more pragmatic stance with him but your emotions were pouncing on the promise that it could be true. Understandable. This hit you hardest than the other relationships because you're in your 30's now. You're ready for serious. You WANT serious. Understandable. All your emotions are understandable but illogical. You have posted that you pointed out the logic of the situation to him times. However, your emotions REALLY wanted to believe and now it's over. You're lucky. REALLY lucky. Imagine being married when he pulled the rug out from under you like that. Imagine having with him when he decided he was "out of now". That would be a whole lot worse. It hurts and I'm sorry but only two months with a guy like that makes you lucky. There. I said it again. Now, you need to tell yourself how lucky you are. Over and over again until you start believing it. You mentioned anger. Sure, I'd be super pissed. However, again, looking at the bigger picture you got out cheap. Vent, journal, cry, eat ice cream, some air guitar, etc. When you're ready make the decision to move on. It won't help to know why he did it. It's his nature and now he's gone. If he comes back? You don't deserve that and after healing you wouldn't WANT that. Let that idea go too. I'm sorry. I you heal from this. Dover european women for a friendhere early tonight. There be a wonderful display as they dine on insects just over the wood outside my balcony. Living here in a town ed. Mostly all you can hear is traffic outside and airconditioners, but interspered there are the songs of birds. Some are my finches, 15 of them specifiy, all the others are free outside the cage living right outside there. Kingbirds on the wires, cedar waxwing, occasional blue, cardinal. Ah, the grackel and mockingbirds and doves just ed in. When marriage and ltrs are so important and rightfully occupy a central place in life, i am here to tell you that the birds can take the place of someone you if and when they are gone. That is if that person is not quickly replaced, which happens more often than not. There are human songs like: hurts .and, the first cut is the deepest but, you know, for me the first is the right. Our fine are now in their middle twenties, about the age i found that my dearest found our back door and left while i had the chillens at the. Apparently she had developed an alternate scenario in her heart that needed me to kinda disappear. Ah, the late eighties. Can i tell you, it cost less than $ to get divorced back then and there was no support etc in our case. I just got custody, she was gone on some dates. She visited often enough. My point is, tonight, as I strum my guitar neath the wind chimes and listen to the air conditioners down below, I be thinking of her and all the specific bird types i recognize these days. Time is such a divine luxury. Last night at dusk I counted eleven nightjars. Keep your, accept a good life, know birds. wants for discreet
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