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I'm trying not to repeat myself over and over, trying to hide how shitty I feel, because I know it just push him away, or throw dirt in the face of what he's currently expressing to me. I really wish I weren't like this. :/ All I can do is "fake it til you make it," it seems like. All I can do is just act like everything's as it ought to be until it is. I'm just afraid I'll never let go, never be able to believe him for an extended period of time. And that it come up someday in an argument, try as I might to avoid that type of thing. It's a flaw of mine, dredging. :( Last night when we had sex, he wanted me to mount him and I couldn't bear the idea of doing so. I couldn't bear looking at him while crushing him with my weight and being "in control." I just don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I know all the right ways to tell OTHER people to confront and overcome these feelings, but when I tell myself these things, it all rings so hollow. I guess I just can't get away from myself, and I am my own merciless enemy. swinger couples lebanon freeAlright so heres what it comes down to. We've both cheated in the past, prior to our relationship. And I don't think it bothers me so much that she's cheated, but that I've cheated. I've got this mindset where I think she's being sneaky like I used to be. And the last "relationship" i had was with a married woman .and the fact that it would be so easy for her to cheat, guys are dirt bags and they don't care if your in a relationship, shes attractive, and it's only human nature for her to be attracted to somebody so sometimes i think well why wouldnt she i just think the world of her so I really dont want this one to get away, so maybe im just of losing her this venting is really helping me looking for fun and frolic
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