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and the refuge of those without considered or explicit examples of failing. I think the more interesting issue here is why you feel you need to conduct a survey to validate what constitutes the label. As with almost everything, this is a matter of opinion and different people have different criteria to qualify. One -'s hero is another -'s reprobate. What some consider rebellion is seen by others as courage of conviction. There is no objective set of standards which can be applied to doom anyone to being a "loser." It is more meaningful for you to decide for yourself what the term means. And then to question yourself about why you feel that way. We can always discover meaningful and interesting things when we examine our own assumptions. If you wish you determine what it is that makes someone in particular apply the designation, ask questions about their assertion. Consider whether their perspective seems valid or is simply a reaction to disappointment. Trying to put yourself in their position can help you understand what values they are applying to the situation that nudge them to their beliefs. Since each of us put different weight on various ideals, knowing which is most important to them (eg; freedom/security, work/free time, spiritual enlightenment/material gain) can be very helpful in ascertaining how they view what makes a person a success or failure. In my experience, most people are doing the best they can. Compassion can go a way towards helping free us of the tyranny of self-righteousness. Philo "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle. have sex tonight in orlandoYou can help your wife by not letting it hurt your marriage. You sound way too reactive to family drama. don't sweat the small stuff. Families gossip BFD. The comments about weight and even your marriage are reasonably standard fare. don't follow your wife into meltdown state over the kind of crap people say to pass the time of day. The cousin with schizophrenia is a serious matter. It won't end. If the aunt was diagnosed, she was given anti-psychotics. Keeping her on those be a lifelong battle. A report get her hospitalized for two weeks and more likely days. There's no permanent solution for schizophrenia and no legal way to force a schizophrenic to stay drugged. You and your wife can look for resources social workers, support groups for the family, legal experts. Those kind of things help the family. But, again, realize the mental illness issue is for keeps. My advice is to comfort your wife when she's upset and keep yourself from taking family gossip too seriously. If you stop reacting to family pettiness, it's likely your wife too eventually. lonely single mum
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