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in denial. You say you don't want to be selfish by ending your marriage to find good sex. Yet you won't budge an inch on your opinion that having sex outside your marriage help it. I have a hard time that in the two decades you were married to him you didn't recognize you weren't attracted to him. That revelation usually hits after a few years when you realize you'd rather have sex with anyone but him. That usually doesn't take 20 years to figure out. Having sex outside the marriage isn't going to be the cure for your marriage. At all. You are in denial hardcore. You're not going to be convinced otherwise are you? You're going to try and try until your husband gives you permission because this is what you want. That kind of behavior is a lot more selfish than divorcing him and breaking your family apart just because you want to find good sex. It would be very selfless to divorce this and save him the pain of having to deal with the fact that you are being selfish any longer. platonic female friends no men 31 Oswaldkirk 31What you're suggesting is not to ease your parents' souls, but your own. You don't that? How would revealing all this stuff NOW, after it's too late to change anything, make them happier? More likely, I think, it would cause more stress, tears, anger, hurtful words, and arguments than you realize. Is that what you're seeking? Think of this: What we grow up with and maintain in our adult lives is what we become comfortable with even pain. It's what we KNOW. Peace and isn't familiar, so it makes us uncomfortable. It's nice for awhile, but eventually we seek what we know. I think that's what you're doing seeking to stir up shit so you can have that pain all over again. It sets your 'world' straight again, as you know it. Look, everyone had pain and sadness in childhood and adolescence. Some more than others, but I can guarantee that more people dealt with terrible childhoods like yours than you realize. We're damn good at covering up, so to the outside world all appears happy. But everyone deals with it differently. You chose pills, food, and suicide to deal with yours. I became an introvert and shunned deep relationships except for a few (who, ironiy, mirror the same attitude of my parents). Others become rebels, social workers with a personal agenda, homeless drifters, helicopter parents, or filthy entrepreneurs. Few talk about their deep secrets and dark childhoods. So you think you dealt with more than normal, but I'll bet it wasn't as far outside of normal as you think. don't lay this on your parents. It's too late to change things, and you cannot turn back time. Leave it alone, for them. But for yourself, seek therapy to help you overcome. dating online singles
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