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your forehead, "Victim Here". So you want to be a submissive? That's awesome, a D/s relationship can be very fulfilling. don't know where to start? Well, start by slowing down just a bit, there are some things to learn first to make sure your experience is a safe and happy one. The first DON”T: don't make a post saying you're a new submissive/slave looking for a Dom/Master, or submissive/slave training. Geez, that scares the hell out of me! While I have found the vast majority of the kink/BDSM community to be wonderful people, there are always going to be the dodgey sort in any community. As much as I hate to admit it, they inhabit the kink community too. There are McDoms (and McDommes) out there. They count on you not knowing the difference between BDSM and. They count on being your only source of “the one true way”. If anyone starts telling you “if you were a TRUE submissive, you'd (insert act here)” spit in his eye, and run like hell. The questionable ones count on you not knowing enough to them on their crap. You have the right to your own limits, and a Dom should always respect that. You decide between the two of you (or more, if that's your dynamic) what is and what is not acceptable. Any Dom/Domme worth their salt has the best interests of their sub in mind. They practice the "camp ground" philosophy to leave their sub in as good or better a condition than they found them. There is a lot of responsibility to being a Top/Dom, and make sure the one you choose is capable of that responsibility. Your submission is a gift. Make sure your Dominant is worthy of this gift. And listen to your gut, if it feels off, take that feeling seriously. don't put yourself in dangerous situations. The first DO: DO learn as much as possible. Learn what BDSM is and what it isn't. There are two basic philosophies of BDSM, SSC and RACK. Safe, Sane and Consensual, and Risk Aware Consensual Kink. I'd suggest you stick with SSC until you learn enough to make a truly informed decision on the risks you're willing to accept. Learn from as different sources as possible, the wider the better. casual dates dundeeI attended the one in my community, for the first time this year. In the past I have been aware of the issue and the campaign, but the whole theme seemed excessively dark and depressing: the ongoing beatings, physical intimidation and murder of hundreds of trans people a year. In my country and city, transphobic and homophobic violence is fortunately very low (but not absent, for sure). It's hard to acknowledge that one can be at risk merely for being a member of a recognizable minority: we all want to believe things are better than they maybe are. But this year I went, and am glad I did. It wasn't as dark and moody as I expected, though the selection of stories of the victims of trans violence around the world were certainly horrifying and saddening, on the whole the gathering was heartening and uplifting. It's not often so transpeople and supporters gather in one place. There were accommodations to those who wished to be 'stealth', in terms of arriving and departing incognito and there were no cameras during the event. The media were absent, though they had been invited. Apparently this is as usual, it's just not a big deal as the Pride parade with all the flashy rainbow clowns, queens and leather. It's not within the scope of the event, focusing as it does on external violence towards trans people (and their perceived or straight companions) but it seems to me almost even more horrible a, that the general level of oppression drives so trans people to suicide. It's violence to and by the victim him/herself. I've lost two dear friends to suicide, one not-so-close acquaintance, versus one seemingly deliberate hit-and-run death by automobile, and that was more probably because they thought she was not trans. Get mad about it, don't tolerate the shaming and violence, and appreciate the time you have with your trans and friends. It takes a certain amount of courage to be who who we are, put ourselves out there and make a life. It's good to remember how fortunate we are. couples seeking couples
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