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It is not leagel in any way. there are no domestic laws in PA. in fact we do not even get ins. benifits. we have done all of the paper work needed. We did it because we wanted that formal celebration of our committment and for eachother. Also we thought it was important that both of our families come together. I know alot of friends that have been with partners for 20+ years and the families have never been around eachother. So it was important to bring our families together. oh 5 years ago neither of us believed in marriage it was a stupid institution that fails more than 50% of the time. now put that aside and think about this. there are over bennies that come with marrage. Most are not financial bennies. ie. hospital visits medical decisions wills power of attorney it is actually not cheeper to be married the tax breaks are for those lucky enough to have a really large income. it actually is better to be single for tax breaks. example a single person can put 90. in an a married couple can only put , this is only 30 thousand more for 2 people. now it has cost us about $. to file paper work with an attorney. when we bought our house the mort. and deed were put in both our names. if the hospital doctor or nurses decide they can tell me or her that we are not allowed to be in the room or whatever these are the bennies that I think that people really want. BTW CAN WE PLEASE STOP CALLING IT MARRIAGE. yes we are and we want the rights of marriage. this is not something seperate or different or special. visiting Almere seeks fungive me more than complaints of soda and ovaltine to convince me that those two things are breaking the bank. More so I'd say it's having 2 depending on two adults who only have one income. Things I think you could do: *go over the and ask him to hand over the finances to you *go over the and ask to formulate a plan that gives a light at the end of the tunnel for which all debts be paid and a nest egg starts, ask for half of the controls of the finances *re-affirm a vow to each other for financial solidarity in equal financial partnership *figure out a way to bring in some of your own income no matter how small (can you babysit other? work part time? do you have any special skills you could share with others like music lessons, tuturing, housekeeping, pet sitting?) I'm sure a decent amount of the problem is him fucking up but it's also you stepping up and stepping in. You can't sit back and passively let shit happen and it needs to be clear to him that neither can he. It also take tries to get through to him. So be prepared to have conversations with him and not lose your temper. You also have to creatively think about the solutions you need in place; like functioning on cash only, shopping differently, rethinking the reward systems you have at your house, hiding or cutting up the credit cards, only Christmas presents, shopping second hand only for a while. There should be no more "asking" to be involved in the finances, I would be flat out TELLING that I'm involved and I expect to go over the every single month. You are a SAHM, you ought to be able to get the mail easy enough and then funnel it all to your address. Part of this IS him fucking up but part of it YOU needing to take the reins. amature swingers
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