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Say something like "I can tell things have changed between us and you are thinking about someone. My guess is you are feeling mixed up or you don't want to hurt anyone. But I feel left out and let down when you refuse to speak to me about this. I would prefer to feel upsetting feelings and deal with reality than be stuck with not knowing what's really going on. After 12 years of marriage I think I deserve that level of respect." If she's not willing to budge, she's being passive because she's afraid, then you take action and draw a boundary. At least you invited her to talk. Floriston in fucked
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