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I am sensing that we are being used to beef up a marital disagreement, but we're only getting one side of the argument. :-) If the spouse or SO has a history of putting their family second to whatever comes along, then a gentle discussion of how you feel when you keep coming in second all the time might be in order. They probably don't even realize they are doing it. They be chroniy disorganized and not realize how their lack of attention to detail is grating on your last nerve. In these cases, it boils down to you deciding what hill you want to die on. You're not going to turn them into a little clock-watcher. Agree on those times when you are MOST annoyed that they are late or forgetful., for dinner, shopping, etc. and then learn to chill with the rest. Priorities are fluid that's why they are priorities, and not set-in-stone laws. Priorities shuffle in response to the needs of those around us. I personally would put my outside family waaaay ahead of cleaning the toilets in my house but then again, my outside family doesn't make demands on me, but when they do, I drop everything. For example, for the last 18 months, my father was in deteriorating health, and for my own peace of mind and to help my mother and brother, I was making a 1, mile round trip every month to help with his care. Things at home slipped. So what? Do you think I really gave a damn if the dog hair sat on the rug an extra week? My father was dying, and my husband sure didn't expect me to stay at home and fix his dinner when I was needed elsewhere. That's part of being part of a family and being part of a community. A good marriage/partnership lifts you up to be able to meet those needs. Another good example is that of a partner who might choose public service for a career, either as a doctor, nurse, policeman, fireman, or even as an elected official. Sometimes the job must take priority, because other people are counting on you. If your spouse was a nurse, would you expect them to walk away from an ill patient just to make sure your dinner didn't wait? woman wants Bianzanofix, how to quit becoming an enabler. I don't care if it takes the rest of my life, I want to know about ME. I'm sorry our marriage has failed as well, at the beginning, the first 10 years, they were wonderful! Then all of a sudden his family and genetics stepped in and the change was on. He even once moved me off the property to our other one without a flinch and I told him 3 times before he got halfway that he better be sure this is what he wants to do, because that is ONE thing I NEVER FORGET! And I haven't. I forgive him, because of all the issues of his own, but I can not forgive the fact that he not go get help, not even for the sake of our marriage and years lost. My attitude on, life and marriage has changed each day I have been married to him, I have discovered that people are too selfish to, let alone be married. My first husband was an alcoholic and couldn't quit, after we married, he fell off the wagon. My second husband found someone that had more than I had, a house on a hill with a swimming pool, etc. and he skipped off with my check that I was handing him each pay day and made off with $ , of my money. Isn't doing him much good 6 foot under, but I suppose his wife is having a riot with it! Bless Her Lord because she had to put up with the same thing I did. The key factor I always remember, whatever you put with in a marriage is the same as what someone have to put up with. But I am putting not all the blame on him, everything that happened, I allowed to happen. He was nothing with minus zero credit and now that it is all fixed and his credit score is EXCELLENT, he is all about that! Somehow he thinks his Credit Score is his Mentality Score. I hate to break the news to him about it, I'll just let someone do it. Be God Blessed! i need bbw
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