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How not to be eaten by a Duck Avoid smearing yourself in stale breadcrumbs unless absolutely necessary. If threatened by a duck, climb a tree. Ducks, usually excellent climbers, refuse to share trees with anything. a large automatic weapon with you whenever walking past a river or pond. Become a microbiologist and develop a duck form of myxomatosis. Become an electronics whizz and build a battery-powered thingy that repels ducks by means of ultrasound. Become a physicist and repel ducks. And everything. a tin whistle in your shirt pocket or handbag and practise duck-charming techniques to buy time to escape, should you be threatened. Move to Siberia. As far as I know, no ducks live near there. If you can't beat them, join them: Whilst ducks be vicious, they are civilised creatures and the idea of cannibalism disgusts them. Rather than just getting another pullover from your granny next Christmas, ask her for a duck costume instead. Do everything in your car. Eat in it, sleep in it, perhaps even travel in it. Never leave your car. Remember to check it for ducks first. Go on a safari holiday to Africa, go to the lions and jump out of the Land Rover into the middle of a hungry pride. I'd like to a duck try to reach you then. Contract Anorexia Nervosa and wear tight clothing to make sure the ducks realise they'd be wasting their time eating you. Sneak onto the set of a film about the middle ages and steal some chain mail. Ask God to reconsider whether they were worth putting on the planet in the first place. Be polite. Make friends with lots of plump, tasty-looking people. about with them all the time, after making sure you can run faster than all of them. Do not mistake ducks for geese. Geese allow themselves to be petted and stroked and even hand-fed whilst ducks take your arm off at the first available opportunity. giving massages at the doubletree hotelLavenderTiger here is 30 years old. OK, 30 is the new 20, but the biological clock keeps ticking. When I married my current wife, ten of us stood up my bride and our 8 (5 from her previous wedding, and 3 from mine). I could not help thinking, when I went to my daughter's wedding, later that year, that there were ghosts standing up there. The ghosts were the not yet born. LavenderTiger does not say she wants but that is implied and a responsible person has in a committed marriage. Even if she has normal after 35, who wants to go to their graduation in the senior center? There are plenty of good things about living together, but one of the bad things (for a person looking for someone to raise a family with) is that her antenna not be up. Mr Wonderful be in line at Starbucks tomorrow. If he says, "Are you seeing someone?" what is she going to say? If she says, "I am living with a guy." Well, you know that it is quite a hurdle to overcome. And, I am thinking, maybe there be no ghost at LavenderTigers wedding. Sad. free online sex
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