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can do without a counselor that would still be helpful. My husband and I have had issues in our relationship in the past. We are married and have a together. We were living in his country and I took our and left without telling him we were leaving. I was afraid of how he would act and didn't want our to the drama. Also his family has threatened me in the past and I didn't feel safe having them find out I was leaving. Issues with husband: -negativity and inability to handle the normal everyday stresses of life. he tantrums, mumbling and cursing to himself and can't be bothered when he is like that, regardless of what is going on around him, maybe we had plans, etc. -shutting down when i wanted to talk about things that were bothering me, taking things personal when i was just trying to communicate, getting angry -not taking enough quality time and interest in me and neither of us has ever cheated. we have lots of similar interests, same college degree and own a business together. we both gardening, the ocean, and of course our. We both eat a vegetarian diet and raise our that way as well. i want my to have a good father/role model- not sure if my husband can be that! i don't want my around the temper, and definitely not around my husband's family. I am not one to think about divorce but not sure what to do, move on or try to work things out. looking back i think i should have picked someone with a positive outlook on life like i have but he assured me that his grumpiness was due to present circumtances (being away at school in another country and not having $/not being able to work) the things we have been through have been a lot for anyone to bear (bare?) but I was able to do it and that's the kind of example i want for my, getting through life gracefully. any advice appreciated. thx the swingers Rosemont West Virginia wantsYou thought I was speaking sarcastiy (I wasn't particularly, but I'm flattered that you'd think so). I think both sides are right. I think the OP is trying to have a weird, untenable split between people, where ordinary straight folks are unforgiving and misunderstanding, intolerant, etc. but lesbians are somehow "supposed" to be different and welcoming and. But that doesn't make any sense at all like I said, lesbians are regular folks, and regular folks feel flattered and safe when they are surrounded by people who look and act like them. This isn't inherently bad, but it is a precarious position, because it can easily slide into becoming hostile or unfriendly to people who don't provide that comfort through similarity. And then we start slipping into the realm of douchebaggery. The way I it, if you don't like this particular flavor of douchiness, you can make a conscious effort to avoid it in yourself do your best to understand other people on their own terms, look for points of similarity that allow you to relate to them and understand them but also bear in mind what makes them different. But of course the minute you try to force other people to stop being douchey in this way by censuring them or rejecting them, you're coming very close to doing exactly what pissed you off so bad in the first place! So I think you're right. The best way to do that that I've figured out so far is to lead by example. Command respect by having it in yourself and telegraphing that to other people simply through being confident and self-assured. Recognize that even the douchey people can rise to the occasion under the right circumstances (and do your best to figure out what those are for each person and bring out the best in them). At any rate, all that is dang hard (at least for me I know it comes more naturally to some folks), which is to say that one always be disappointed in oneself and others. But this is why people like being around good, solid people so much restores one's in humanity, makes one want to be better. It's like cultivating a little garden of awesome all around oneself. love dating
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