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family means the relationship is progressing; his recovery and her active involvement in the program needs to progress first. Relationships can be a source of stress and that potential stress can cause him to slip. He is on probation so he should not feel free to do what he wants and travel to family whenever he wants. If he slips it could mean he does the rest of his rehab in a cell. She should go to an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting because she has a qualifier so it doesn't matter if its an open or closed meeting. Being in the program can help ensure that she is not codependent or if she is prone to any codependency ways she learn how to cope more effectively with her possible enabling ways. I think the counselor should demand to progress from him and her if she wants a relationship with him before the counselor should allow the relationship to advance to another stage. He needs to focus on his recovery and not put so much importance on a new relationship; if the relationship is meant then it happen when he has some recovery under his belt. lonely wives Southern LouisianaThank you for your reply. Could you have compassion for a moment to that this is a new situation for me, that I'm trying to be sincere, and am asking so that I can do the right thing. I admit apologize for taking the 10 years off my age. I do so because I ask new friends and strangers how old they think I am. They all say "late 30's" or "early 40's". Do most men post their EXACT age, or shave a percentage off? He can exactly what he's getting. I'm truly doing the best I can with this person. I repeatedly remind him I don't NEED any time (when he's tired or too busy) or action (bj, top) from him, but to do what he wants (give, receive, cuddle, sleep, nothing) and whenever is best for him (visit when he can and wishes). I tell him I should come AFTER his eat, sleep, school, work, and friends! He was insecure and picked-on in his recent past. I hold him when he wants (and guess needs), listen to him and try to help to the best of my knowledge and ability, and do EVERYTHING I can possibly think of feed him anything he can wish for, do his weekly laundry from dormitory, pickup from work when he is too tired to drive, and drop-off wherever he needs to go, without meeting. Maybe you wouldn't think I was a jerk if I told you that in addition to the $ I already gave in 3 weeks, I'm willing to help him with $ /wk, yet I currently take home only $ /wk. substantial help for me. So my intentions are clear. Can't I know his true intentions? If he's doing the same thing with 3 other guys, can't I know that? Would a person let a mugger into their home if they knew it was a mugger? Are metal detectors invading shooter's privacy? If none of what he is claiming is true (that he truly loves me and therefore is not hustling), can't I know that? I'm only looking to verify what he claims about how he feels about me. When I think it's true I have no interest in snooping. I'm open to your recommendations (enjoy it?, discuss it? how to help him? end it?), but please don't automatiy react with a spiteful comment. Thank you. big women
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