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We met online and lived 8 hours away. So we saw each other on weekends. We talked for hours and hours on the phone and I thought I knew him. I kept journals throughout the years (7) and I am loathe to admit I saw the red flags but wanted so badly for him to be the one Years of therapy later, I can that my "learned helplessness", codependency and tendency to be a loving doormat were very attractive to an emotionally immature, controlling, outwardly arrogant but inwardly insecure with an inadequacy problems. Oh, and blond hair and big boobs probably didn't hurt. Now that I'm growing due to counseling, back in school and becoming more educated (psych, doesn't it figure?), the balance of power is shifting. We are a good match for some sort of odd friendship, but probably not marriage. As easy as it is to when someone needs to leave a marriage, I am finding it very difficult myself to take that plunge. I was single and lonely before but there is a difference. I am sparkly, not being conceited, it's just reality, but I attracted narcissistic princes back then. Hopefully, I won't anymore I think I'd rather be divorced, lonely, healing and available than married, intermittently miserable, lonely and unavailable for something better. looking for a cuddle buddy for after work
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