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Today i filed for divorce after 23 years, 11 months or marriage. High school sweethearts, now in our early 40's. I sex, so that wasn't the issue.. he didn't want it, and that wasn't the issue. He wanted someone yeah thats the issue. 5 years ago he fell in with someone he met through work. I caught him 1 yr after they got together, and he swore he would break it off, so I let him stay. 6 months after that, i caught him again. He swore it was only a phone.. 2 months later he told me he was unsure if he could ever get over her.. and went away for a weekend to "think" about it. He thought about it, and HE decided he wanted to date her while staying married to what his feelings were for her. I told him he was insane, and there was no way I was going to stick around for that. He broke it off with her again. That lasted maybe 2 more months. But I didn't catch him again until it had been almost exactly a year from first time. So like, 5 times that year.. that time i kicked him out. he broke it off with her again, and swore that was it, he was going to dedicate himself to working on our marriage. Of course by now, I have severe trust issues.. how the hell can i trust him after so times? But I tried.. I tried to let it go, and be everything he wanted, and shower him with and affection. Things seemed to be going okay, but last year, started downhill again. I tried to trust.. but then 4 months ago, he started treating me like crap again.. like he did when he loved someone.. so i finally forced myself to start checking up on him again. yeah, I caught him again. same woman, 2 years and 10 months after he moved back home. When i confronted him, he admitted they had actually been back together for 2 years. So.. he's basiy been cheating on my for the past 5 years So I was filing for divorce. He asked for legal separation, and I found out i can amend separation to divorce at any time so I did that, I don't want to fight, I just want this to end. My question is, how do I get over this I have poured myself into for almost 24 years? we have 2 grown, but I am by no means old, and I want a forever companion. I signed up for the forever, till death do us part package not this thing I have now. When is it safe to begin looking again, without burdening a new relationship with my baggage? married and lonely Hamburg
My greatest regret is that I never ed when she attacked me or threatened suicide. A 72 hour involuntary psyche hold have compelled her to get the help that she wanted and needed. Towards the end, she acknowledged that she'd been lying for years about weekly counseling . that she was "weak", "bad", and the DBT was "too hard". During the final week, she "demanded" that I go to "marriage counseling" with her again! But 25 years of "marriage counseling" was just a cover for her BPD, and had never done much good (other than teaching me how to protect myself and the while not enabling her behaviors). If you can accomplish this without the and your neighbors seeing her get hauled away in a car or ambulance, she might even thank you for it later. wagga wagga australia married women want sexA friend of mine is a hospital chaplain, and the stories I hear from her has me thinking about such realities and how they could play out by not being legally married. It's scary to think, for example, my partner not being in the legal position to make sure my end of life wishes are followed. She would feel powerless, and the hospital protocol would be very demeaning of our relationship. Which is why we'll be making sure the proper paperwork (living, power of attorney) is completed asap. passionate females
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