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Some days I think things are better, some days not so much. She has gotten passed the defensiveness and we are looking into both physical and psychological causes. But it is a highly charged issue emotionally for both of us, which does make it difficult to have the intimacy needed to have a positive sexual experience. I also struggled with the feeling that I was pushing her into something she doesn't want, a feeling I really can't tolerate. I told her I would not initiate at all until we were in a different space and that any interaction we had would have to be initiated by her. This is with the understanding that it take counseling or something but that in the end if she treated me as a friend then I be her friend and if she treats me as a lover she be a lover. I not wait in limbo forever. Some days I think I'm full of shit and I wait forever, some days I think I won't bother to wait for her to do her work . I do think we are headed in the right direction they make excuses to get out of it, you both say it is this or that, causing it. It doesn't mean she doesn't you or want you. It's that there is a problem that is hard to face and hard to pin point. Some of the answer be trial and error, with the understanding that some of the things you try won't work and that's okay. It's hard not to be disappointed with the failures but the disappointment builds and makes the problem scarier to face. Some of the answer be seeking help from a counselor/doctor. wanting a sexy sex partnerYou do sound like you are struggling, and possibly wasting more energy thinking about this than doing something about it. Getting fucked is not necessarily about being submissive. But if that's what you want there are plenty out there who get off on being domineering. Personally, I like being fucked by a for the intimacy. I like feeling close, that I am sharing my body with him, and he with me. That this is transgressive to the norms of our culture adds a little zing to the act, but first and foremost is the act of sharing ourselves together. This alone is breaking down the barriers that prevent men from connecting from other men, and ultimately from women and the rest of society. On the other hand, if you are just curious and are looking for a safe way to experiment, get a dildo, some lube, and play by yourself. Not as good as the real thing, but definitely safer. hispanic dating
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