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But as stated in my above response to F-G, we have two small dogs that we are both attached to and I would never keep him from seeing them. When I think in terms of "deserting" him, I do so because I would not leave our apt- he would. And he would go back and live with his mentally ill, addicted, alcoholic mother. Just being around her would probably send him back into a full-blown relapse that would land him in rehab, jail, or a grave. I don't think I'm ready to make the move that enables that change in his life. I him, certainly, and I do not want to him go down that terrible path. And since he is unemployed, he doesn't have other housing options that I can think of. I know I need to put myself first but I don't feel I'm ready to kick him out yet. I don't understand his decision not to engage in his hobbies.. I think they are anxiety reducing but his depression zaps his motivation and when he can barely motivate to get in the shower, playing guitar or writing music..well, that probably takes more motivation than hopping in the shower. i'm sorry if i made it sound like he has no interest in improving. He DOES want to improve. He wants nothing more than to have a relationship with me, to contribute, to get, to quit smoking, to do all the things he used to to do. He never learned coping skills and being without a good therapist and not being properly medicated, well, that seems to be a big hurdle to learning coping mechanisms. looking for now bbw sgv
It's that I've been spending so much less time w/*all* of my so-ed friends as well as my real friends, and *everything* is getting clearer. It has nothing to do with my financial status whatsoever. I have chosen to be a hermit now for about 6 mos. Turning my whole ship around for awhile. I simply can't tolerate any *bullshit* anymore. The only reason why I posted the money issue, is that the person I had the 'misunderstanding' with has always been thoroughly money-focused. We can be having tea, and she'll start in with her investments, her famous 'friend', etc. The other pair of 'friends' have their own schtick, but still, money-focused as well just Bohemian style, so it appears 'cool'. It STINKS OUT LOUD. And worst of all: it screwed their up seriously (both sets of friends' -). Hence: the money post. During my walk, I realized that it's really the same old story, but I just refuse to put up with it anymore at all. I'm growing up in the realest sense. It goes back to when I had my divorce years ago, and chose to be w/family folks only. The folks I befriended gave me the closest thing to the cozy feeling I craved but with a price: that I serve a purpose for them as well fill a hole a need play a role doing little favors like babysitting and trapseing around with them on *their terms*! I'm cutting all that out now, and facing facts. My values and principles are not the same and never were. Rather than suffer alone, I clung to them in large part, because it the hell out of me having single men interested in me. My 'friends' were a protection .At least I refrained from diving into a string of men-folk, marriages, etc. I'm proud of myself now. This all requires grieving, but hey, it feels good to cry and gain my freedom from their clutches .I played, 'In the early morning rain' (- -) several times on my guitar before,sobbed my guts out, and put a in for my brother. And this forum has been a great way to process stuff for me. To observe myself. Hell, everything goes out into oblivion, but it helps me. Other peoples posts help me also! And I'm undeterred by the morons, who unprovoked, post things that they think hurt others. lookin for 420 guys to chill witI am at that point. I have lost 50lbs mostly for her. I am still maintaining and going to the gym. I am learning guitar. So, I am seeking self enlightenment and that is why I want change between us. I have already had some opportunites outside our relationship present themselves to make me think about greener grass. horny women
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