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Butch and genderqueer work very well for me. Girl and don't work well. Lesbian, dyke and woman works sortakinda ok. Not ideal because of the gender stuff I have going on which swings me in the male direction, but I let it slide when others use it. The people who are close to me know not to use them, and also understand why I can be both a little tweaked yet not particularly fussed at the same time. Speaking of which, I have *dun dun dun* a story! The ethnic breakdown of my kitchen is fairly typical of the average kitchen: mostly white boys working on the line, a couple girls, with me pushing the curve out a bit, and Mexican dishwashers. One of the dishwashers is an older Mexican guy, and whenever he needs to get by someone in our cramped kitchen while toting an armload of stuff, he says "Excuse me señor" or "Excuse me señorita". For the first months I was there, he'd always me señnor. It didn't bother me, I generally don't care which pronouns people use because either set are close enough. But, I mentioned my amusement to one of the servers, and she told him in spanish that I was a mujer, not a hombre. He turned really, really red. I kinda felt bad because really, I didn't care. So he started ing me señorita, which in retrospect, fits a lot worse than señor, but whatever, right? That lasted about 3 days. He reverted to señor after that, of his own accord. Make of this what you. 8-) platonic Richmond with a womanso when one of us wants sex, we ask for it. If the other person doesn't want it, they say no. If the other person wants it but can't, they state the applicable reason. And we made a deal to go along with this arrangement that the other one would not feel rejected if they asked less than times and got no as an answer. After the third strike-out, though, and the person asking automatiy got a raincheck for a time and date of their choosing. We went through the hesitation stages for quite some time, and for the same reason, actually. She had made it clear to me that she wasn't some sex machine, there for my amusement, early in our relationship. Over the years she has realized that sex is only a part of our relationship and has actually developed a hearty appetite for our sexual encounters. As for how to get over the anxiety, communication with your wife would be my best advice. Let her know how you feel and why and ask her what kind of an arrangement you can come to, whether it is semiphore, covert notes, or the more direct ask-and-ye-shall-receive approach. dating for married men
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