Thank You for Making Me Go, Charlie w4m I am meeting such nice, quality men now, and they are all very appreciative. I don't have to sleep with them to get their attention. I just have to be me. It is so nice. I was so in love with you, but maybe it was a child's type of love. Maybe that magic, the endless friendship and solid feeling I always had (which you seemed to have lost so easily, which made me even, well we know the stories), maybe that was just being in love with love, with your plan for our love. Your promises were too much for you to keep, but I believed you when you said I finally had a home and a family. I believed every intention you gave, but now I am being practical, and it is so much fun! Nice, no games, respectful. Sure, we don't talk of marriage or family or moving in together, but I don't have to wonder what is going on or why there is a conflict of words and actions. They match here, and my brain is so grateful. My heart? It will get over the whole thing. The other, I haven't tried, so can't tell you yet, but even if it is half of what we had, I'll be satisfied.
I've finally figured out why I always got so scared when you looked somewhere else or someone at you! It was because you meant too much to me. That child inside was always waiting to be hurt and have you taken away. When I don't care, it doesn't matter who looks. Real Catch 22, isn't it? Conundrum! Well, I guess I have to compromise for my sanity. I did not help our situation, but your love for you know who and your games there did not either. She and I would have been like sisters. What will you give them now?
Anyway, I'm having the time of my life and all the bad habits are not even a thought. Just takes a little appreciation and respect, I guess. I still love you, but I know you are not healthy now and you will not get the help you need, so I have to make myself try harder elsewhere and take the consequences of that. Can't all be so perfect, right?
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friday evening hotel fun sparkling pinot noir. My day? Screaming, fighting. Need I say more? My cats were off the hook last night too. Something is in the air or water. Weekends are *not* usually like this. Woombmoon bless the ex, tomorrow is a holiday and she "gets" to stay home with them. *clink looking for vibrant woman to play with
(what happened to the rest? I'm glad I don't write directly into here.) She was partly because she was afraid it would hurt or physiy harm her. We were talking while I was sitting on her chest, to give her an idea of what my full weight felt like, and partly to put her in a mindset of deeper submission to me. But part of her fear was, I believe, and existential one, a fear of loss of self and the ego, that her consciousness would be submerged and reduced to a single point, her world reduced to me and my sex and my need to be pleased. Eventually she consented, and as I propped up her head with pillows and moved forward, pinning her arms beneath my knees and slowly lowering my full weight onto her, the feeling came on hard, galvanizing me, as if my body was some kind of conduit for this divine electricity. The physical and the psychological sensations were beyond intense, as was the visual of her pinned beneath me, looking up into my eyes, working her mouth, sucking my clit and pushing running her tongue along its base. It was a triumph of the self, of myself and my sexuality. And as I started moving my hips and bouncing on her, fucking her, not just her body but her soul itself, hearing the nasty wet smacking noises and her occasional whimper when I bore down on her too hard, the feelings became too much for me and I started cumming continuously, and I experienced that same loss of self I think she feared, I became a pure awareness unencumbered by thought, I was one with my body and my sexual power, I felt like a Goddess must feel. I heard someone screaming in the distance, and realized it was me , I snapped back to myself to that I sitting on my knees my hips bucking wildly in the air, I bore back down on her hard and gushed into her mouth, wave after wave of orgasm rocking my body, until I finally collapsed forward, sobbing, tears running down my face, her still beneath me, working on me, easing me back, sucking gently on my vagina and massaging its still spasming walls with her tongue yes life has been good. Edgerton Wisconsin looking for love pt 2
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