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When we started our relationship we both had problems. I have trust issues, big ones. I think that is where my control issues stem from. He needed a shoulder and I needed him as well. We met each other at a very similar time in our lives. We were together 2 years before getting married because I wanted to make sure it's what we both wanted ( I was 4 months pregnant then). I didn't want us to just because I was pregnant. It didn't work for my parents and sure wasn't going to work for me. I know me being pregnant sped up the process, I'd be stupid to think it didn't. He assured me that us getting married is what he wanted. So we did. At about 7 months, I started having issues (had to spend most of my time in the hospital or on bed rest). He cheated, felt guilty and stopped contact with the girl that he cheated on me with. I found out by looking at pictures on his phone. I didn't go looking for it ( he had taken pictures of pack and plays and a few strollers). It blindsided me, but I felt stuck. All the while he was drinking and hanging out with our slutty neighbor. So what was I to think? How was I supposed to stay out of that? That's about the time we decided to move on post. 5 days after, due to stress and complications, I had our, 3 weeks early. He brought this slutty neighbor into my delivery room and left with her during. The day we were to come home, he went to a peewee football game. Told me my mother could take me home. My brother stood up for me. He stormed into my room and yelled at me in front of my mother and staff at the hospital (my doctor still to this day asks me 6 times during one appt if he's abusive). My mom and him fought for 30 minutes. I was delayed another 4 hours and put on blood pressure meds because I kept all the hurt in (I was admitted for pre- eclampsia). After I was released from the hospital, 4 days later, he brought her to our home. after we started counseling. I'm fairly certain he didn't do anything with her, but I can't be sure. I was a doormat. I have a hard time forgetting things like this. I am trying daily to forgive him. Some days are worse than others. So you guys are right, I have issues. Some control, mostly trust. I have a hard time fully trusting a who has caused so much pain. I'm trying though. do you need something special in your life
Bare with me for a sec cuz I'm just thinking this out but I think people also forget that marriage is very different these days than it used to be. Gender rolls in western society were far more rigid. Men were expected to support their wives and financially and wives were expected to support their husband and emotionally/domestiy. Men were groomed to be the "men of the house" and women were groomed to be "good wives and mothers." I think a lot of the problems with marriage today stem from a blurring of those rolls and people having to define their marriages for themselves with a LOT more gray area. It's WONDERFUL but also very confusing. Particularly since most people are unaware of just how much the feminist movement has changed our society as a whole. It's kind of nice to think that men of my generation actually think that women are their equals. It's still happening though and things are still be ironed out. Both of your examples prove my point. "Men need to help more" -> Indicative that the male gender roll still hasn't quite solidified to be "obvious" that men need to also do things traditionally thought of as a wife's roll. The need to keep dating their spouse, I think, is fallout from the fact that women are now able to walk away from marriage without being social pariahs. They have a lot more choices (choices traditionally reserved to men) and though it's a touchy subject it's not nearly as acceptable for husbands to rape their wives. The "not enough sex" issue and cheating has been a millenia arguement so not so new. Men have been keeping mistresses for as as there were "monogamous" relationships. What I think is interesting is that men are less able to go outside of their relationships without their wives/gf's leaving them and SO it also leaves a certain amount of responsibility on the part of the women to try and keep their menfolk happy. Again fallout from the blurring of gender rolls. Where women were previously more dependent and unable to leave in a lot of situations or chose to turn a blind eye, we more and more this cheating is unacceptable so now what? situation. Tybee Island naked girlsI just barely learned of the borderline thing of weeks ago. Happened upon the book 'surviving a borderline parent'. It was a shockingly illuminating read!!! 98% every applicable. I'm so grateful to have learned that, so now I can start shoveling myself back together lol. I got over the jerk ex rapist. boyfriend years ago, I don't care, yes I'm over that. My mother, no. My dad ignoring everything? no. What I sooooooo desperately want to get past now that I understand it is self-sabotaging all my life. Abusive relationships I plopped myself into. Dumb feelings that I'm experiencing with the great I finally have for no reason? Guilt. Guilt because I wanted a different mother. Numbness. She almost died two years ago, multiple hemorrhagic stem strokes. I was there with her when it happened, I took her to ER barely in time for it to happen and was there watching while the ER people ran around. Surreal. Numb. I never felt sadness or pain, just nothing. And still nothing, and so guilty for that still. I want to get my feelings back before she's gone forever. I do her You've been through it, haven't you? And now I'm crying :( Thank you dating for guys
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